Former Seattle Police Chief Carmen Best regrets this tweet.
Former Seattle Police Chief Carmen Best regrets this tweet. Sierra Rozario

Nathalie Graham, The Stranger's city hall reporter, regrets accidentally sending Toby Thaler, Alex Pedersen's legislative aide, an email inquiry about the poop someone shoved inside a West Seattle ballot drop box. She regrets the error.

West Seattle regrets everything.

Sponsored

On October 29, for her weekly column How to Look, Stranger arts writer Jasmyne Keimig called Michael Heizer's popular public art piece "Against, Adjacent, Upon" when it’s really "Adjacent, Against, Upon." She regrets the error.

Nathalie Graham regrets that the Seattle Police Department trapped her inside the old Stranger office on 11th and Pine while SPD teargassed the block. She especially regrets only having a phone on her—not even a computer!—which she used to livestream the event. Every time she would respond to a text, her stream would cut out, so she chose to stop communicating with her loved ones while a militarized police force occupied the street below her. This resulted in several heated arguments with her boyfriend about "his feelings" the next morning. She hopes he doesn't read this. Her computer regrets that she left it at home.

The Seattle Police Department regrets that it actually has to fulfill public records requests one day.

Capitol Hill regrets this fortress.
Capitol Hill regrets this fortress. Photo by David Ryder/Getty Images

Big dumb idiot Jasmyne Keimig regrets that one time she hung out and had dinner at her friend's house (sans mask). She promises to never do it again until she gets the vaccine. All of Seattle regrets this error.

The Stranger's associate editor Rich Smith regrets nothing because he is on vacation and his colleagues did not pester him to write his inevitably lengthy list of regrets.

The Stranger's associate editor Rich Smith regrets he had to stop sending press releases to his colleagues on his vacation after Stranger resident philosopher Charles Mudede told him to "chill, brother."

Aforementioned Stranger resident philosopher Charles Mudede regrets his September 11 post "The Problem of God and Robots in Raised by Wolves and Battlestar Galactica." Little in it is right; much in it is wrong. To begin with, Mudede did not know the religious status of the humans in Battlestar Galactica (they are not atheists but pagans in the Roman sense). And, secondly, Mudede didn't know the robots in Raised by Wolves were programmed by a human not to believe in God. Mudede is still dealing with this potentially lethal blow to his geek cred.

For one of Stranger staff writer Matt Baume's Play Date videos, in which he babbles semi-coherently about video games, he tried to make the recipes depicted in the game Monster Hunter. What takes four and a half seconds in the game took four and a half hours in real life, and while it was delicious, he regrets the number of dishes he had to do while completely exhausted.

COVID-19 regrets giving Trump a pass.

Nathalie Graham, a staff writer at The Stranger, regrets the evening she spent writing election endorsements in the bath after drinking a very foamy cocktail she made from a Tik Tok recipe. Some of those needed a lot of editing. She regrets the error.

Editor Chase Burns regerts The Stranger fired its copy editors.

Andy Warhol's Mao print regrets being allegedly purchased by Kelly Loeffler, an incompetent boob with little appreciation for art.

Staff writer Jasmyne Keimig regrets not writing the visual arts feature in The Stranger's final print paper, though she thinks Charles Mudede's write up of Agnieszka Polska's Love Bite at the Frye Art Museum is perhaps better than anything she would have written.

The Washington State GOP regrets Loren Culp. Because how could they not.

Charles Mudede regrets he had nothing substantial to say during a Zoom memorial for the filmmaker Lynn Shelton. She died unexpectedly on May 16, 2020 in Los Angeles. Mudede knew the late filmmaker, but only from a distance. In fact, he never had anything like a conversation with her. Mudede should have declined the offer to share a few words about a person he hardly knew.

Stranger staff writer Jasmyne Keimig regrets she is not cake.

There are so many empty lots and dirt patches in the sidewalks around Capitol Hill right now. Why didn't we do more guerilla gardening? We could have waited for the cover of night to plant local species like maidenhair ferns and barrenwort. Oh well, maybe in the spring.

Dozens of Seattle bridges are in “concerning” condition and the city can't afford to maintain them. Matt Baume deeply regrets learning just how alarming the state of our local bridges is as he is now scared to cross any of them.

Mayor Jenny Durkan regrets bridges.

Stranger staff writer Nathalie Graham regrets that American Sign Language interpreters are not allowed to do interviews. She wishes she could have interviewed the man who signed all of Gov. Jay Inslee's press conferences. Sigh, what a hero.

Gov. Jay Inslee regrets the time he accidentally gave the towns of Bridgeport and Malden apples infested with apple maggots and, in doing so, violated a Thurston County apple quarantine. He regrets the error.

We regret this street is open to cars again.
We regret this street is open to cars again. Photo by David Ryder/Getty Images

On a recent installment of KUOW's The Record with Bill Radke, Stranger staff writer Jasmyne Keimig said James Cameron's 1989 film The Abyss was unstreamable. She did not know that the film's theatrical version had made its way back onto streaming services just a few weeks before. She regrets the error. So does Amazon Prime Video.

Chase Burns regrets that it took him so long to learn how to really wash his hands.

Charles Mudede regrets a big error in his October 23 post "New Theory Suggests Time Might Be All That." According to Mudede, Alexander R. H. Smith and Mehdi Ahmadi published a paper that made the bold and new claim that "time dilation, a key consequence of Albert Einstein's special theory of relativity, might be observed within the realm of the very small, the quantum, the zone that is famous for its magic-like happenings." This is not at all the substance of their paper. The idea of time dilation in the quantum realm isn't new. It's even old hat. The original thing in Smith's and Ahmadi's paper is its description of a way to experimentally test or verify the old hypothesis of quantum time dilation.

Stranger staff writer Jasmyne Keimig regrets not going to therapy sooner.

Popular drag queen Alyssa Edwards regrets the backlash that her superspreader Thanksgiving feast inspired. In her defense, this is just how they do things in Texas.

Support The Stranger

In a recent Slog AM, Stranger writer Jasmyne Keimig sleepily wrote that state Senator Mark Mullet would serve another six-year term after narrowly winning the 5th Legislative District race over challenger Ingrid Anderson. But, as many readers pointed out, state senators only serve four-year terms. She regrets the error.

Nathalie Graham, who covers city hall for The Stranger, regrets each time she thought covering a new Tree Ordinance update was worthwhile. It never was.

Quibi regrets launching a billion-dollar service meant to appeal to people on the move during a global pandemic when nearly everyone is working from home and craves long-form media.

Tim Eyman, the notorious car-tab tax troll, regrets that his plan to dupe the public with Initiative 976's misleading ballot language didn't work out in the end. He also regrets his new hernia.

X Æ A-12 regrets having two rich dumbasses as parents and looks forward to going by John as soon as he can.

Nathalie Graham, a staff writer at The Stranger, regrets not retrieving her press pass from the office before The Stranger moved buildings.

She also regrets only bringing a handmade press pass (this was just a piece of paper which she handwrote PRESS on with pen, not even a Sharpie) when she did a ride-along with the Morning March protest the day they shut down the I-5 Ship Canal bridge. The police came. The handmade press pass regrets that the police did not believe it was real.

Bong Joon-ho regrets ordering the evacuation of the East Precinct.

Editor Chase Burns regrets that The Stranger has not invested in hiring more reporters. Send a tip and then tell the bosses that it's explicitly for [insert the reporting beat you'd like to see on Slog].

Mayor Jenny Durkan regrets ever making the joke about how she and at-the-time SPD Chief Carmen Best considered having a Thelma and Louise moment but ultimately decided against it, and that neither of them would resign. Best resigned two months later. Durkan announced she wouldn't run for re-election. Durkan regrets the error.

Carmen Best really regrets that tweet.

When someone stole his bike, Matt Baume made the mistake of reporting it to the police. He couldn't go to the precinct to make a report since they built a castle around the entrance, and when he got through on the phone they said they wouldn't come to investigate and he should just fill out a befuddling online form. In hindsight, Matt regrets dealing with the cops and not hiring a private investigator instead.

Senior staff writer Charles Mudede still regrets that the East Precinct did not become a community center with showers and washing machines for the homeless.

Martin Luther King, Jr. regrets giving one of the most iconic speeches in the history of the United States only for French DJ David Guetta to show both him and George Floyd nothing but disrespect.

Nathalie Graham regrets learning that her mom went through a phase in the pandemic's early days where she microwaved the newspaper to eradicate COVID-19 germs.

Stranger staff writer Jasmyne Keimig regrets thoroughly wiping down her groceries but NOT wearing a mask during the beginning stages of the pandemic. She, of course, knows better now.

Charles Mudede regrets that his brother consumed a lot of Zantac. This drug likely gave him stomach cancer. And the cancer killed him at the age of 37.

Nathalie Graham, a staff writer at The Stranger, regrets ghosting a high school student who asked Nathalie to mentor her. Nathalie should not mentor anyone. In fact, would anyone like to mentor Nathalie? (Serious inquiries only.)

Nathalie Graham regrets each time her voice cracked while asking a question during a virtual press conference.

In a piece about a protest art database, staff writer Jasmyne Keimig wrote that George Floyd was killed by police outside a Cub Foods, when in fact, the store is called Cup Foods. She deeply regrets the error.

Editor Chase Burns would like to take responsibility for the Cub/Cup error. He used to live in Minneapolis, a city filled with Cub Foods (it's like their QFC) but only one Cup Foods. He regrets the error, especially since he used to live blocks from that Cup. He also lived near a few Cubs. See? Confusing!

Editor Chase Burns regrets how much oxygen associate editor Rich Smith had to spend ranting about conservative "nonprofit" director Maia Espinoza, aka the woman running a campaign to be Washington's Betsy DeVos. The Washington State GOP needs to get their fucking act together.

Tangentially, the Stranger Election Control Board regrets that the only candidate besides Chris Reykdal who responded to our endorsement Zoom call for Superintendent of Public Schools (the event of the season, ask anyone) was David Spring, a so-called “Progressive” who only showed up to tell us that the coronavirus was fake, to yell about the comprehensive sexual health education bill that passed in the legislature last session, and to pitch his book. Spring doesn’t want kindergartners learning the kama sutra, which is all well and good since the sex ed bill that Reykdal spearheaded doesn’t do that!

Gout regrets how it failed to inflict all kinds of pain on Charles Mudede's feet in 2020. Indeed, Mudede has not experienced a year without a debilitating gout attack since 1999. Gout blames Lazarus Naturals' high-potency Portland Rose balm for this failure. The nasty stuff makes gout too dopey to be effective.

Staff writer Jasmyne Keimig regrets writing that one time that the city would shut down the whole Waterfront Park due to dramatic shifting. It was just Pier 58 that was lurching into Elliott Bay.

Not ALL of the waterfront is collapsing—there’s nice new stuff opening too
Not ALL of the waterfront is collapsing—there’s nice new stuff opening too. FRIENDS OF WATERFRONT SEATTLE

The Stranger's Marxist Charles Mudede regrets the stock market's massive success in 2020, the year the pandemic crashed the conventional economy. Mudede also regrets that he unknowingly made, what is for him, a shit-ton of money on the stock market's otherworldly bullishness.

Seattle City Councilmember Debora Juarez's mute button regrets its useless existence.

Seattle City Councilmember Andrew Lewis regrets the one time he accidentally stayed logged into a Civilization V game on Steam during the Seattle City Council vote to overturn Mayor Jenny Durkan's veto.

Mayor Jenny Durkan regrets issuing two useless vetoes.

26-year-old Jasmyne Keimig regrets bringing her German chocolate birthday cake to work with her the day that the Seattle Police Department decided to tear gas protesters and journalists to hell.

Chase Burns regrets that he never received a proper gas mask. He also regrets that loud bangs still make him sweat and immediately think of SPD's flashbangs. Is that PTSD? We're not doctors.

Matt's anxiety has been spiking this year (we know, we know, whose isn't) so he mentioned it to his doctor and she ordered a blood test to check his thyroid. Turns out it's fine, but his cholesterol is a bit high so she wants him to eat less pasta and bread—so, hello, additional anxiety!

Senior staff writer Charles Mudede regrets not visiting Vancouver BC when he had the chance (the weekend before the lockdown on March 14). He had a room and everything ready, but he chickened out at the last minute.

Pornography is the one stable product for which there will always be demand, and despite the endless moral panics, there is a certain security in being an established creator of adult media. As the economic uncertainty of 2021 looms, Matt Baume regrets not having a more prolific body of work under his belt.

Senior staff writer Charles Mudede regrets the ending of The Undoing. It made the whole series a big waste of time.

A stinker.
A stinker. HBO Max

Nathalie Graham, who thrives on words of affirmation, regrets how much she enjoyed when the male firefighter who stuck a COVID-19 swab up her nose called her “dear.”

The Seattle Police Department officers regret that they didn't pursue a career in firefighting instead.

After mysterious security forces were captured on video pulling protestors off the street, Matt Baume wrote a guide to what to do if you’re kidnapped by the US Army. The advice included a few words of advice, originally written by the FBI, on how to surreptitiously obtain information; and he suggested that captives might use those techniques to extract information from their captors. In hindsight, it would have been better to advise detainees to use that information to guard against providing any information themselves.

Charles Mudede regrets that Seattle's popular weatherperson, Cliff Mass, was not chased out of town for comparing the BLM protests of 2020 to the infamous Kristallnacht of 1938.

Stranger staff writer Jasmyne Keimig does not regret the amount of time she spent watching the 90 Day Fiancé extended universe this year.

Sponsored
Imagine Van Gogh the Original Immersive Exhibition, will make US debut at Tacoma Armory in December
This unique exhibit brings Van Gogh’s canvases to life in a spectacular way using the Image Totale©.