Greased lightning.
Greased lightning. NOAA

Oregonians might start pumping their own gas: A new bill working through the Oregon Legislature would allow drivers to pump their gas, a task that's currently against the law across the Beaver State. "We’re smart people. We’ll figure it out," one Oregonian told KIRO Radio.

Another one: One student in Richfield, Minnesota, is dead. Another is injured. Details are thin at the moment, but someone(s) shot at the students while they were on a sidewalk outside of the school, reports CNN. The suspects "immediately" fled. Police have not arrested anyone.

And another one: Meanwhile, at a liberal arts college in Virginia, someone shot and killed two officers while firing shots throughout the campus. That suspect is in custody.

I understand "melt all the guns" is not a reasonable policy proposal but this is an unreasonable epidemic.

Zeus is fucking pissed: Lightning bolt extending across 3 US states sets global record

The World Meteorological Organization claims the bolt set the new world record holder for the longest flash. It stretched for nearly 500 miles across Texas, Louisiana, and Mississippi.

That bolt isn't the only big thing flashing across the sky in the South: It's "raining" iguanas in Florida. This happens sometimes. It's not a big deal.* When it gets too cold in Florida, the iguanas freeze up and fall out of trees. They're still alive. Just immobilized once temps drop below 40 degrees. This is something that happens when you're cold-blooded.

NWS Miami had to release a "falling iguanas" alert.

*UPDATE: I was texting my mom about this—I was born in Clearwater; no, I'm not a Scientologist—and she said it's actually "sad" because authorities are encouraging Floridians to stuff the stunned iguanas into bags and hand them over to the state so the state can euthanize them. "That way... you can do your part in reducing the numbers of one of Florida's most abundant and destructive invasives." Time to fuck up some iguanas, I guess.

Upon hearing of this stone-cold iguanas news, Stranger staffer Charles Mudede reminded everyone of this video. "This internet moment will never be forgotten," he said.

Tesla is recalling nearly 54,000 cars and SVUs because their "rolling stop feature" allows their self-driving cars** to illegally go through intersections at up to 5.6 mph: This comes after Tesla had to recall 475,000 cars in the US in December due to "potential rear-view camera issues." (But DON'T WORRY, their stock is fine.) A few weeks ago, Matt mentioned this "assertive" self-driving mode in a Slog AM, and added:

Last week I interviewed Marko Liias, head of the state Transportation Committee, and asked him if current regulations governing self-driving cars were sufficient. He said yes: “I think it is sufficient because we don’t see large-scale adoption of them yet.” Oh okay, nothing to worry about!

**"Selected Tesla drivers are 'beta testing' the “Full Self-Driving” software on public roads," reports AP. "The company says the cars cannot drive themselves and drivers must be ready to take action at all times."

TikTok is growing in Seattle: As in, its number of white-collar employees is growing. "Over 170 people work for TikTok or ByteDance in the Seattle area, according to LinkedIn profiles," reports the Puget Sound Business Journal. "Of those, over half came from Amazon, Microsoft or Facebook's parent company, Meta."

Emergency responders have evacuated around 6,000 people in North Carolina after a fertilizer plant caught fire near Winston-Salem: The fear is that the fire, which started at the plant in the middle of the night last night, could cause "600 tons of ammonium nitrate and 5,000 tons of finished fertilizer" to explode. CNN reports the fire has "diminished in size but still poses a threat," and fire officials said they do not believe that the fire's odor, which they say smells like "spent fireworks," is toxic. That said, it looks nasty.

Holidays and histories: It's Lunar New Year. It's Black History Month. It's a fortnight til Valentine's Day.

The Linda Lindas, the teen band that went viral with this video last year, has a new single out: It's off their upcoming album Growing Up, dropping April 8.

Fun Fact: The Linda Lindas are named after the excellent unstreamable film Linda Linda Linda and the Blue Hearts song "Linda Linda." Less Fun, More Personal Fact: I'm forever hunting for a copy of the Blue Hearts' album, The Blue Hearts. Ping me if you've got one that isn't going for, like, hundreds of dollars.

While we're talking about music: Capitol Hill Block Party dropped their lineup today. Vroom vroom. Charli XCX will be there.

More on today's blawg: Rich highlighted a dude running to run the county prosecutor’s office. Hannah wrote about cop ruses. Mark asked some sober nightlife performers what it's like to work at bars.

Jabs for the littlest ones: Pfizer and BioNTech have asked the FDA to grant emergency authorization to their COVID vaccine for children under the age of five. The companies are still studying the third shot of the planned three-dose regimen, so they're just asking for approval for the first two shots for now. More from Politico:

The companies began a rolling submission process — at FDA’s request — asking the agency to authorize the first two 3-microgram doses while they continue to collect data on a third shot administered at least eight weeks after the second. That information will be submitted to regulators later this spring to support a potential emergency-use authorization expansion, they said.

What would a safe and effective COVID vaccine for young kids mean to their parents? A "light at the end of the tunnel." Analysts expect federal regulators to grant emergency authorization for the first two shots by the end of February "if all goes well."

A few blurbs from our sister publication The Portland Mercury's Abe Asher:

• Denmark has ended all of its COVID restrictions, declaring that the virus no longer poses a "critical threat" to the country. Cases are still rising in the Scandinavian nation, but the country's high vaccination rate and the relative mildness of the Omicron variant have changed its thinking on how best to deal with the virus.

• Former Miami Dolphins head coach Brian Flores is suing the NFL, claiming the league is "managed much like a plantation." Flores, who was fired by Miami last month despite leading the Dolphins to back-to-back winning seasons, is seeking both unspecified damages and a broad changes to league culture and policy.

• Another day, another standoff between American and Russian leaders over Ukraine—Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov indicating to his counterpart Anthony Blinken on a call this morning that Russia is not prepared to withdraw its troops from the Ukrainian border. Fun!

Very fun! Thanks, Abe!

One last local story for the day: Goodbye Kmart in Kent. "Kaiser Permanente is seeking to demolish the old Kmart store in Kent so that it can reportedly build a medical facility," writes the Seattle Daily Journal of Commerce. Kmarts are generally haunted***, so I hope they bring in an exorcist.

*** This is just a personal belief. I have no evidence, minus their weird vibes. This Kmart in Minneapolis has especially weird vibes.

Now let's end the day with CHAI. The Japanese rockers (and somewhat recent Sub Pop signees) are playing The Crocodile in March. I'll be there! They're also opening for Mitski earlier that week at The Moore if that's more your jam.