SL Letter of the Day: Big and Bigger

Comments

104

@97 seandr is a cheater himself

False. I've been faithful to my wife since we met 19 years ago.

Matt from Denver has a 3-inch dick, so he's a bit sensitive to the idea of marital infidelity.

seandr on March 25, 2011 at 10:04 AM

105

@94 YES!

@96 Yeah...and how old are you? On Billboard's Top 100 for 6 months and reached #1. (Not) that big of a hit my ass. Now, get off my lawn lol.

Red Spandex Guy from Airpocalypse on March 25, 2011 at 10:08 AM

106

79, That song is a bit before my time, but now that you point that out, yeah, this is a fake.

Rob in Baltimore on March 25, 2011 at 10:09 AM

107

Dear Dan,
I did something stupid that has obvious consequences.
Now I'm suffering the obvious consequences!!!

What was the point of even writing this letter?

Caralain on March 25, 2011 at 10:14 AM

108

Karey@103, I'm not going back to survey all the comments, but I think often women are harder on other women than they are on men (in an instance like this, where they were both cheating) maybe because a lot of women have been in situations where there has been "opportunity" with a married guy, and they, unlike barslut, don't just "go for it." I'm not trying to make this into a "men are weak creatures, they have no control, don't blame them" thing at all, but just that we, as women, often have less sympathy for our fellow sisters because we ourselves have been in situations where we said no. This would be a very different situation if these two had fallen in love as friends over a longer period of time (still crappy for the wife overseas), but this was a bar pick-up between strangers. For every woman who's had a married (non open relationship) guy hit on her, she knows the answer to that one.

seeker6079@100 Agree with you there! The "willing suspension of disbelief" probably works wonders in these situations, as well as in the movies.

Canuck on March 25, 2011 at 10:15 AM

109

LOL @ 101!!!!!!!

samanthaf63 on March 25, 2011 at 10:35 AM

110

I find it hard to believe that out of 97 comments, not one is written by someone who has been the third party in an affair. I'm certainly not defending the position -- as someone whose been there, I know it involves doing a lot of harm to a lot of people, chief amongst them the cheater's spouse -- but does anyone have any empathy? I don't know about Sad Eyes, but not every woman who gets involved with a married man, and gets taken away by the fantasy of their situation, is at the very root of her being an idiot or a slut or any of the other (rather misogynistic) insults being hurled Sad Eyes' way on this forum.

Which is not to say I don't think Sad Eyes' post is delusional and rather blithely ignorant of the pain she herself is responsible for causing... just that there's a kind of blanket attitude towards other women displayed on this board that seems kind of out of synch to me.

on March 25, 2011 at 10:43 AM

111

@72- I'm not condemning anyone, but I am judging. And practicing good judgment is something we all need to do all the time. Sanctimony won't make the world a better place, so get off your high horse and admit it, these people are jerks.

dwightmoodyforgetsthings on March 25, 2011 at 10:51 AM

112

@110- I've been the other man, and I was totally being a selfish jerk and so was the woman who was cheating.

dwightmoodyforgetsthings on March 25, 2011 at 11:21 AM

113

@111: Sanctimony won't make the world a better place, so get off your high horse

But that's exactly my point!

seandr on March 25, 2011 at 11:24 AM

114

Ah, there's that forgiving attitude @ 104. And lying too - no one defends infidelity like seandr without being guilty of it. What a tool...

Matt from Denver on March 25, 2011 at 11:29 AM

115

Oy, people. I'm with Seandr. These are just grownups being silly. As long as the parties get tested (and I know there's no guarantee of that - but they darn well should) and they're healthy, well... sure, wrong was done. But apparently there's no kids. The returning wife will discover in time (again, hopefully before they have kids) that he's a CPOS, so...

It's a heartache, nothing but a heartache.

(Song wars!)

Lance Thrustwell on March 25, 2011 at 11:31 AM

116

@112: I've been the other man

[Face palm] So who are you to judge these people from atop your high horse? How did you even come into possession of a high horse to begin with? Wouldn't a pony be more fitting for you?

seandr on March 25, 2011 at 11:34 AM

117

@114: Matt - a man who fears infidelity as much as you do has a small dick. Given your situation, or lack thereof, I forgive you for being so boring that the only time anyone notices you is when you are flaming them.

seandr on March 25, 2011 at 11:39 AM

118

@115 Well...you know what they say...When you're in love with a beautiful woman, it's hard.

Red Spandex Guy from Airpocalypse on March 25, 2011 at 11:41 AM

119

110 et al defending the gal: I once got upset about some mendacious act by a person, and a wise old lawyer said to me, "People can rationalize anything. Anything. What, you think all those guards slamming the doors shut on Jews headed to Auschwitz were happy to do it? No! They just made up excuses, and then did what they did for their own sakes. If people can do that, what is this little thing you are upset about? Nothing. Grow up. People treat each other poorly. Avoid it yourself, but don't act like it is unusual."

So, taking my cue from him, that gal is hardly beyond the pale, but she did what she did because she wanted to, because she thought the benefits to her outweighed the downside, at least the downside to her. And we can condemn her for her selfishness and actions, and even use harsh names, even as we recognize that she is, like all of us, a falliable human.

I wouldn't stone her, but I would say she is shitty person who needs to cut it out.

on March 25, 2011 at 11:49 AM

120

@116- Who am I? Someone who knows what he's talking about, obviously.

@113- You need a mirror.

dwightmoodyforgetsthings on March 25, 2011 at 11:55 AM

121

@ 117, you're a funny guy. Let's go out for a drink next time I'm in Seattle, okay?

Matt from Denver on March 25, 2011 at 11:56 AM

122

@ 105, is it the kind of song that gets high rotation on 70s stations to this day, like "Hotel California" or "Rhiannon?" (I'm 40.)

Matt from Denver on March 25, 2011 at 11:58 AM

123

@96 Song was hugely successful in the 70's...

ROBERT JOHN
"Sad Eyes"
(Robert John Pedrick)
Send "Sad Eyes" Ringtone to your Cell
Looks like it's over, you knew I couldn't stay
She's comin' home today
We had a good thing, I'll miss your sweet love
Why must you look at me that way
It's over

Sad eyes, turn the other way
I don't wanna see you cry
Sad eyes, you knew there'd come a day
When we would have to say 'goodbye'

Try to remember the magic that we shared
In time your broken heart will mend
I never used you, you knew I really cared
I hate to see it have to end
But it's over

Sad eyes, turn the other way
I don't wanna see you cry
Sad eyes, you knew there'd come a day
When we would have to say 'goodbye'

[Instrumental Interlude]

Sad eyes, you knew there'd come a day
When we would have to say 'goodbye'
Sad eyes, turn the other way (turn the other way)
I don't wanna see you cry (cry, cry, cry)
Sad eyes, you knew there'd come a day (he-e-e-ey)
When we would have to say 'goodbye'
Sad eyes

Razzle on March 25, 2011 at 12:04 PM

124

@122 Yes. Hint. Pleasure....AND PAIN!

Red Spandex Guy from Airpocalypse on March 25, 2011 at 12:04 PM

125

He's a jerk because he treats people like they are disposable. She isn't off the hook for jerkdom, however. She did mistreat the wife. In the situation, he's the bigger jerk because he mistreated both of the people he was involved with, whereas she only mistreated one person, the wife.

If we are keeping score, he's a jerk twice over, while shes's a jerk once and a fool once.

avast2006 on March 25, 2011 at 12:19 PM

126

@93 weird.. i mean i ain't no saint either. but if i do something highly un-saint like and then ask a public forum 'what do you think of that ?'..well i should expect to be condemned and judged.. or two wrongs don't make a right..or ..something...

reverend dr dj riz on March 25, 2011 at 12:20 PM

127

@123: Hahahaha, those lyrics! Okay, it's clear: definitely we've been trolled.

Just wait until someone writes in about their online fling liking pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, and gee, Dan, do you think I should go meet her IRL?

avast2006 on March 25, 2011 at 12:27 PM

128

@ 124, alright, I'll take your word for it. I'll go look for a free version to hear - there are a lot of 70s songs whose melodies I know but lyrics, titles, and performers I never learned if the song didn't hold my interest...

Matt from Denver on March 25, 2011 at 12:35 PM

129

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtdOpnCBL…

Yeah, never heard this in my life. In 1979 I was listening to the Who, Led Zeppelin, and Pink Floyd. The radio stations that played that didn't play this.

Matt from Denver on March 25, 2011 at 12:40 PM

130

@129 lol Same here, but now I get to enjoy hearing it on the phone as I wait 50 minutes to speak with "customer care" in India ...

Razzle on March 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM

131

@129 Your parents were MUCH cooler then mine....(and I'm 41)

Guess you never went to Funkytown, either...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CImrIKNm…

Red Spandex Guy from Airpocalypse on March 25, 2011 at 1:00 PM

132

76/Rillion: ...in my book the attached party is always the bigger jerk than the piece on the side. He had a commitment to uphold; she did not. Gender has nothing to do with it...

That's the way I see it too.

*

77/MaiaD: is it that hard to find a single guy?? call me old fashioned, but i think that once you hear "married" you find someone else.

No, it's not that hard but some women prefer married men. The theory, I think, is that if a man is married that means another woman found him desirable and he was willing to make a commitment to marriage and, therefore, he's preferable to a single man. (I think it also explains what many straight guys experience: women seem much more interested in you when you're with another woman than when you're by yourself.)

Roma on March 25, 2011 at 2:13 PM

133

I heard "Sad Eyes" back then but never knew that was the name of the song.

Red Spandex Guy, I loved "Funkytown." From my hometown (okay, technically, the city across the river) and great singing by Cynthia Johnson.

Roma on March 25, 2011 at 2:48 PM

134

I don't think the song has to have been a hugely recognizable megahit for the LW to have pilfered it. In fact, it makes sense to choose a less recognizable song. I mean, if she copied lyrics from "Hotel California" we'd all know, right? When you compare the lyrics to the letter, it's hard to believe that that could be a coincidence. Too many similarities.

Side note: I've sort of been obsessed with the lyrics from "Hotel California", which someone mentioned upthread. What's so wrong with mirrors on the ceiling and pink champagne on ice, anyway? I feel like I need to know.

nokidsandthreemoney on March 25, 2011 at 3:17 PM

135

@ 134, I knew it was a fake as soon as someone had posted a link to the lyrics. Signing off as "sad eyes" cinches it. I was just taking issue with the whole "I can't believe no one figured it out" tone of the comments from those who did recognize it because, number one hit or not, it's an old song and kind of obscure to folks who aren't fans of über-sappy 70s pop.

Matt from Denver on March 25, 2011 at 3:59 PM

136

seandr @ 42: My forgiveness is an implicit recognition that whatever mistakes they might have made, they are on balance good people, not jerks.

and @ 50: Why do you believe this episode defines the totality of their existence? Do you judge your own character based only on your lowest moments?

You bring up an excellent point. Ideally, we should call out someone's specific action ("that was jerky/selfish behavior") rather than label the person a jerk. And I think that's what most people intend to do. I think that when most people call the guy or woman in a case like this a "jerk", they're not saying or implying that they're a jerk in every single facet of their life. I just think it's a lot more convenient to call a person a name rather than address their specific behavior.

So then, my question to you, sean, would be: even though you don't feel these people are jerks, what do you think of their behavior?

Roma on March 25, 2011 at 4:20 PM

137

91/maddy811: It's stories like this that lead me to conclude that the most surefire obstacle to getting laid is integrity.

I'd give that "most surefire" award to being unattractive but I think integrity (and honesty) can certainly be big obstacles. A guy who feigns a romantic interest in a woman, for example, is more likely to get laid than one who is not willing to do that. A man or a woman who doesn't respect boundaries or consider the Golden Rule has a lot more options for getting laid since married people are available to them as well as single people.

Roma on March 25, 2011 at 4:53 PM

138

And those who have said that this is common behaviour on base seem to be talking about the left behind spouse MOVING ON while the OH is away on tour. Moving someone in for 9 months with every intention of moving her out again at the end and pretending it never happened is so close to impossible it is what makes the story unbelievable, lyrics or no.

private universe on March 26, 2011 at 3:30 AM

139

deployed female soldier goin through a divorce here. women who prey on military husbands are evil trashy piece of crap human beings. You're both Jerks.

dixies_fire on March 26, 2011 at 6:23 AM

140

I blame it on the rain. Yeah. Yeah.

Please stop debating who was the bigger jerk. The answer is all of you losers for debating who is the bigger jerk in this obviously fake letter which is obviously DIRECTLY LIFTED FROM THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG!!!!!

on March 26, 2011 at 7:57 AM

141

you got what you deserve, you unpatriotic slut.
sweet.
he isn't a jerk; he cynically used you from the first hello.
and you totally fell for it.
stupid cunt....
we can just hope you gave him a nasty painful fatal STD.
(no doubt a sleazy whore such as yourself is toting a pantload of them...)

on March 26, 2011 at 2:46 PM

142

lol

Another stupid slut fell for my "my wife was just deployed" line. This was one was a pretty fuck, so I kept her around for a bit, until her vapid comments and moon eyes drove me crazy, then I dumped her with the old "Wife's coming back, sorry, see ya" line. To spice it up I even used some old lyrics from a crappy seventies song and called her "sad eyes" as she left, bawling.

Since I'm a horndog, though, I gotta put on my depressed "missing my wife" face and go pick up another local ho. These dumb bitches fall for it every time.

on March 26, 2011 at 4:40 PM

143

Why was she sure that his wife knew?

James Hutchings on March 26, 2011 at 10:09 PM

144

It's possible that this letter is real (I don't think it IS, just sayin' it's possible). If this girl is real, and is actually 28, she may never have heard this Sad Eyes song. Maybe the guy has, and started spouting the lines, even calling her "Sad Eyes" which is why she used it in the letter. If that's true (if any of it is true), then that solves the "who's the bigger jerk" question once and for all. Him. For that reason, and for all the other reasons previously discussed. However, besides the directly quoted lyrics, there are so many other things in this that are hard to swallow, I don't believe a word of it, and believe it was written by a male troll. So much of it just doesn't seem like a female writer would have written it.

HRH on March 28, 2011 at 6:41 AM

145

I'm 33 and I immediately recognized this as the song "Sad Eyes' with directly quoted lyrics. Totally fake.

on March 28, 2011 at 9:10 AM

146

@12 - I actually laughed out loud when I read your comment. Definitely one of the best comments ever.

Psychoserenity on March 28, 2011 at 11:06 PM

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