I am a 28-year-old straight
woman who has been dating a 24-year-old straight male for two months.
Recently, I gave him oral sex while he was seated naked on my couch.
The next day, as I went to sit on the couch, I noticed a brown stain on
the cushion that looked highly suspicious. I have come to the
conclusion that it was, in fact, poo. The stain had a streakish quality
and was located where his buttcrack region was placed during the
encounter. And furthermore, I smelled it. And I know what shit smells
like!
Okay, so the question: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
Is this normal for men? Can I talk to him about this? Should I? I would
like to be open and honest with him, but how do I even broach the
subject?
I suspect that he knows that shit stains are
an issue for him, because we were recently packing for a weekend trip
and he got upset when I went to fold/pack his underwear. He wouldn’t
let me handle the undies because he didn’t want me to “see any stains.”
I didn’t think anything of it, assuming that he left occasional skid
marks as some guys do, and I just made a joke about my period panties
and moved on. But now I am annoyed. He should have realized what had
happened when I blew him and at least tried to clean it up while I was
sleeping or otherwise occupied.
Is pooping on the couch a deal breaker? Or
can we be “cleaner” in the future and protect my bedding and furniture
somehow?
Shit On Furniture Annoys Girl A Lot
Seeing as he’s aware that he has a
problem—he acknowledged as much when he kept his underwear out of
your hands—this straight boy, at the very least, should’ve
thought to spot-check your sofa after grinding his ass into it for the
duration of that blowjob. But you have to take some responsibility,
too, SOFAGAL. You encouraged this young man to plop his naked ass down
on your sofa and proceeded to engage in the kinds of behaviors that
would cause any man to (1) open his legs and (2) grind his ass into
whatever he happened to be sitting on. And where bare asses are set,
shit stains are always a possibility.
So I’d say you’re both at fault, SOFAGAL.
Knowing what he knows about his own ass, the boy should’ve eyeballed
your sofa and discreetly cleaned up after himself. But, again, shit
stains can happen when you allow a nude man to sit his bare ass on your
sofa, SOFAGAL, and commence blowing him. If I may invoke/resurrect a
Rumsfeldism: Prior to this incident, blowjob-related shit stains on the
sofa were, for you, an unknown unknown—something you
didn’t know you didn’t know—but in the wake of this incident,
shit stains are now a known known. And knowing what you now
know, SOFAGAL, you might consider placing a towel—might I suggest
a beige one?—on any sofa that you invite this man, or any other
man, to set his bare bottom on prior to blowing him.
Finally, SOFAGAL, how to broach the subject?
With a sense of humor. Sex can be messy, and shit happens quite
literally sometimes—and not just to men. Let him know that he
tagged your sofa—try to smile when you say it—and then head
to the nearest gay neighborhood to pick up some brown or beige bath
towels. And come on, how bad can it really have been if you didn’t
notice when your nose was down there?
My wife and I got into S&M about two years ago, and it’s done a wonderful job of spicing up an
otherwise very vanilla marriage. It was the odd happy ending to the
usual doomed story of “husband who knows he’s submissive finally gets
courage to tell vanilla wife.” We’re constantly upping our
game—we went from pegging and D/s to flogging to hardcore
beatings pretty swiftly, and we want to continue to push our
boundaries.
Now we’re looking into electrical play. Our
question is about cattle prods. Are they safe? We’ve seen a couple of
BDSM porn movies where a cattle prod gets used, but we have no idea if
these are prop cattle prods or the real deal. And are there any books
out there on safe electro-stim play?
Sub Needs Some Shocks
“Electric play is a great addition to BDSM,
but cattle prods are a bad choice as they’re not designed for use on
humans,” says David X, an electrical engineer who used to work in tech
but today designs e-stim products for Eros Tek. “There are several
reports of muscle injuries and even a few broken bones from
prod-induced involuntary muscle contractions,” David continues. “Burns
and nerve damage are also possible. There really isn’t any way to make
a cattle prod safe, but if you must, use it only below the waist and
make each shock as brief as possible. Make sure the submissive does not
have weight or tension on their limbs and has room for safe
movement.”
And if you’re attached to your balls, SNSS,
and would like to remain attached to them, make sure they’re not tied
to anything. But, again, neither David nor I think you should use a
cattle prod at all. David has a bias, of course, and would prefer to
see you purchase something designed for use on humans—preferably
something designed by him—but your bias-free advice professional
strongly agrees with David: Invest in a product designed for use on
humans.
“The best devices for BDSM electric play are
made for that purpose,” says David. “They can deliver very intense
sensations while being much safer than a cattle prod. As for books,
you’re best off following the instructions that come with whatever
device you purchase. This is another advantage of the BDSM
products—they come with instructions for using them on humans
instead of cattle.”
I’m a 23-year-old straight
female. I have been friends with this guy for the past two and a half
years and would like to continue. Problem is he gets jealous (because
he has the hots for me, but I’m not interested) and a bit distant
whenever there is a boyfriend/date in the picture. I’m not sure if I
should approach him about this or not.
Just Friends Jealousy
Maintaining a friendship with a man who has
the “hots” for you when you’re not interested isn’t kind, JFJ, it’s
emotionally sadistic. Maybe it’s thoughtless sadism on your part, but
it’s sadism nonetheless. Because for as long as you’re hanging out with
him, JFJ, he’s going to delude himself into thinking that he has a
chance with you. And every time a potential boyfriend appears on the
horizon—someone for whom you do have the hots—he’s going to
realize, once again, that he’s a fool and, perhaps, being played for
one. (How many times has he helped you move?)
Your friendship, while a marvelous treasure
under most circumstances, is not a consolation prize for this guy. It’s
a torment. He doesn’t have the strength to cut you out of his
life—something that, if he’s reading, I would strongly advise him
to do—so you’re going to have to do it for him, JFJ. If you
don’t, well, you can’t claim that your sadism is thoughtless anymore.
It’s overt, conscious cruelty—”mean girl” bullshit. And if you’re
not careful, Garfunkel & Oates will write a song about you. 
Savage is spot on w/r/t JFJ. I’m a guy who harbored a hopeless crush on a friend. Well, more than a crush. It went on for four years. We started off as just friends (really, just friends), and one day I started looking at her differently. We spent one wonderful summer flirting with each other, talking on the phone nearly every day, doing things on the weekend. She kissed me a couple of times and I fell for her. When the summer was over I told her how I felt and she gently rejected me.
We stayed friends over the years, dated other people. When we were both single again we started spending a lot of time together, going to movies, holding hands, and my old feelings were rekindled. Then she started dating someone else and I was crushed. Finally I took her out for coffee and explained (without blaming her) why I didn’t think we could be real friends – I could see this cycle repeating itself indefinitely. She took it well (almost too well), and we haven’t spoken since.
When I woke up the next morning I knew I did the right thing because I felt like a weight had been lifted. Neither of us was being very honest, and that’s Dan’s only point. JFJ can’t help it if the guy is deluding himself, just as my old friend couldn’t stop me dreaming of the day when we’d be together, but since she asked for advice he’s telling her to be the more responsible of the two. I knew my paramour would never have done that for me. It just wasn’t her style. Does that make her a bad friend? Not any worse a friend than I was.
comment number 15 and the person who posted above me (87) are an incredibly sick individuals.
just wanted to make sure everybody take notice of that fact.
@87
I dunno, he might have a point-I’m an ugly girl and I’ve never had to worry about my guy friends getting crushes on me.
@PansexualPolyGenderlessChristianishSwitch:
So you’re happy for your ex-unrequited-crushes when they find someone they’re interested in: excellent, I think that’s wonderful. But I’m guessing from your name that you’re a practising polyamorist… which means that you’re almost certainly in a different situation than this guy. For him, the stakes are higher — he wants The One, she doesn’t want him, but he hangs around for years because she is The One. For you, well, there’s probably all sorts of other people around, so you can have crushes, but you can move past them more easily because you already have other lovers, and there are new ones around the corner, and you’re not searching for the mythical The One. And all that is great. I think it’s a shame that too many of the rest of us get trapped in unhealthy monogamous dynamics without ever really getting to try out alternative structures. So, on some level, I would say that your advice might not work for this guy, because he doesn’t have the philosophical framework or the societal support to make it work for him in the way that it works for you.
Of course there are unhealthy polyamorous dynamics too (increase the number of people, increase the odds of said people being human and complicated); but the possibilities of ethical nonmonogamous sexuality are sadly closed off for so many people, who end up stuck believing they have fewer options than they in fact do.
Why would a straight guy want to have a girl as a friend? I don’t get it.
I think what 87 doesn’t understand is that we don’t hang out with a woman hoping to get in her panties, we just can’t help but think about shagging our girl friends once or twice any time we hang out with them. Seriously, I have women I have been friends with for over a decade, I would never ever have sex with them, even though they are hot. But I can’t help but be disappointed everytime I show up half a second too late to see them with their tops off.
@109 First of all, they can be better wing men than a-lot of guys, second, because you like someone and you know that dating them would ruin it, third, why throw away a friendship. I’m as horny as a man gets, but it doesn’t make me an idiot.
Re SOFAGAL: When I shared a summer house with a bunch of guys on Fire Island there was an unspoken rule that nude sunbathing was cool but you should pull on trunks before going in the house. So this one afternoon we entered the house to find another housemate buck ass on the sofa eating chips and salsa. And one of the guys said (in a voice that sounded like feathers and sequins) “DID YOU WASH BETWEEN YOUR **LEGS** BEFORE YOU SAT DOWN ON THAT WHITE SOFA?” And that’s all there is to it. A guy really ought to know enough to wash between his legs.
@ keshmeshi: seriously!!!
an ex boyfriend of mine honestly had a ‘one scrape’ routine (his words) & that was it. pants up, on with the day. i was immediately called ‘controlling’ after suggesting a more thorough cleaning. i do it til it’s done. what is with these dudes???
Shooting out shit whilst farting is definitely a MALE thing; I’ve never heard of such a thing going on among women, except when they were SICK with stomach flu or something similar. Either BF doesn’t know how to wipe his backside, or he’s just a pig. Either way, I’d advise her to DTMFA. Feces carry BACTERIA, remeber? Who wants somebody’s fecal coliform bacteria all over their couch, sheets, chairs… of course, such things are no big deal to fags, who LOVE to wallow in each other’s bacteria and viruses, and who all probably have to wear diapers full-time once they reach 40, but the rest of the human race should prefer to keep poop OFF their furniture!
I’d like to throw in my two cents into the JFJ dialogue:
I am in a similar situation currently. And all I have to add is how many times does a girl need to wrench her way out of an unwanted hand holding, shoulder grasp-with creepy hand strokes, or goodnight kiss, for the dude to get the hint? It’s hard to vocalize ‘No, I don’t want to fuck you and never will’ when, as others have already said, he cannot grow a pair to say ‘I’d like to fuck you’ himself, which is probably a large factor in my not being attracted to him.
It sound harsh but I feel deceived when my buddy thinks that maybe just this next time he will be upgraded to fuck buddy. It makes me uncomfortable and even more so because he knows that I have a boyfriend and I take every opportunity to reference him so as to underscore the ‘I’m unavailable’ truth but it never registers. And in my experience it’ll seem like everything is fine and we are platonic and everything is great and then he tries it again out of the blue as if this time maybe I’ll slip up and let my guard down and he’ll finally get into my pants hallelujah.
Re: SOFAGAL – For a time I worked as a professional escort, and I have never had a client who left a shit-stain or who had a smelly dirty ass in any way. Dirty ass is not normal. Dirty ass is lazy and selfish.
I have no advice though, if it were me I would have called him out on it the moment I noticed it. I wouldn’t care if he was at work and I had to call him and talk over speakerphone while he’s in a meeting with coworkers. In fact – even better – “Hi hon, I’m in a meeting, watcha need?”, “Uh, honey, you smeared shit all over the couch while I was blowing you last night, so you better bring home some fucking oxyclean or something, and go get yourself some potty wipes cuz this *shit* is unacceptable. Have a good day, see you at home”
That’s what you call a “consequence”, it’s how we learn.
@115 If it bothers you so much, why do you hang out with him? Or better yet, why do you hang out with him alone? Yeah it’s all fine and good otherwise, but if it isn’t the first, or the second, or the third time he’s done it, when are YOU going to get the hint that maybe you can never be friends with this guy?
My roommate is the person in the last letter, same kind of relationship with a guy friend. All of her other friends (including me) think this is just like your response Dan, emotionally sadistic. I think she enjoys this too, as she did it with another guy friend who had the hots for her but she was too prudish to date him, she remained friends with him but gets all jealous because he has moved on and has a girlfriend.
Except the current dude who has the hots for her is a complete douche. Yet she puts up with his misogynistic comments, jealousy,lying, obvious hitting on her, AND not stopping when she tells him to. I think because she has the power in the emotionally sadistic relationship, he has to reclaim power by being a total douche. Yuck, it’s such a disgusting relationship. She’s a nice girl, but I think I’m gonna poison him the next time he comes over to our apartment. The world needs less douches.
@115 DTFMA. It sounds like he’s a complete jerk about it and he’s trying to take advantage of you. He’s forcing himself onto you, frankly. If you’re not comfortable about it and he doesn’t acknowledge it, what is the benefit of this relationship?
DTFMA and get more friends.
Dear Dan and SOFAGAL,
Loved your letter, SOFAGAL. I had a similarly disturbing experience and was totally pissed off (fortunately it all went down in a hotel, not my place). Personal hygiene and sex are more or less inseparable for most of us (unless you like that kind of sh*t) and your young man is a stank. Would you present a stinky coochie to anyone? (again, unless they like it like that). Dirty ass goes even a step further.
One nice cultural trait that some French and most Muslims share is regular ass-washing, hence the bidet and the 5-time-a-day washing ritual. Some of us could learn a few tricks from these people…… All you got to do is use soap and water, damn it! Even water alone is decent enough.
Dear Dan and SOFAGAL,
Loved your letter, SOFAGAL. I had a similarly disturbing experience and was totally pissed off (fortunately it all went down in a hotel, not my place). Personal hygiene and sex are more or less inseparable for most of us (unless you like that kind of sh*t) and your young man is a stank. Would you present a stinky coochie to anyone? (again, unless they like it like that). Dirty ass goes even a step further.
One nice cultural trait that some French and most Muslims share is regular ass-washing, hence the bidet and the 5-time-a-day washing ritual. Some of us could learn a few tricks from these people…… All you got to do is use soap and water, damn it! Even water alone is decent enough.
If we have all of this over him being distant occasionally then I hate to think what the post will look like when he finds the strength to cut her out of his life for good.
The blatant sexism of usage:
Men are used for physical labor (moving) or money = woman’s a bitch.
Women are used for physical pleasure = woman’s a stupid bitch, and usually fat.
If you’re not having sex in the butt, never had sex in the butt, and wipe well enough (try wiping with damp charmin), you don’t need to expect poop. I am a believer that previous sex in the butt can “widen” it, making it more likely that “sh$t happens.” I think this is one of those cases where your experiences from gay relationships often need not apply to heterosexual ones. I can say that I’ve received many blowjobs on my white couch, without problem.
(note, this is not an attack on homosexual sex, I just think there are differences that SHOULD be noted when giving advice. Your advice does apply, to couples that enjoy pegging)
(note 2, YES, I do believe sex in the butt widens it. Ask an old straight guy what sex in the vagina does to the vagina. Then extrapolate.)
Must be a difference between the sexes. I’m happily married, monogamous, and often friendly with guys I have crushes on. If I get wet hanging out with a guy friend, I take it home to my husband. I’d be hurt if a guy refused to socialize with me just because I had a crush on him.
Obviously, this isn’t what’s happening with JFJ, as he’s all jealous and pissy when she gets a new boyfriend. (My male friends are mostly married or gay, and I see that as a good thing.) Okay, so I have a partner, and JFJ’s male friend apparently doesn’t. But even single, I’d still not want to lose the possibility of friendship with cute guys just because they weren’t available as boyfriends.
And yet, I see letter after letter from men saying “you’re being cruel”, even though she didn’t say anything about leading him on, or asking him to move the furniture, or whatever.
Must be a difference between the sexes.
Hanging out with a hot friend is an easy way to keep the spank bank account from being overdrawn.
There is a song sorta about JFJ’s situation by Garfunkel and Oates called, “I Would Never.”
=p~
Dan, right on with JFJ… though both parties are at fault.
If a woman knows a guy has a crush on her, loves her, or whatever, but she is not interested, that is no fault of her own. However, once she starts pursuing friendship with the guy, thinking he will get over it, she starts taking on more responsibility for the situation. The first time the guy got pissy over a new boyfriend, she should have broke it off. Instead, it sounds like she kept him around for emotional support, attention, and probably several other benefits (favors, gifts, solicited or unsolicited). So, Dan’s right to the extent she has persisted in trying to be friends when she knows the guy thinks he loves her. Wake up, honey! He ain’t going to “get over it”… its not a skinned knee he is nursing. He is carrying a torch, believing one day she will see the light. Maybe she should? Maybe she won’t? Maybe one day she will regret not seeing why he is so great? Maybe she is right, he just ain’t the right fit her. None of this matters.
She should cut him off and if she does not, she is being a user, a sadist, and a bitch. Further, it is not outrageous to suggest she gets an ego boost from the guy’s whining and behavior but just wrote to Dan to blow off steam.
But, the guy is at fault too. Yes, perhaps she dates assholes and she just cannot see how great he is. Maybe. Yes, maybe his love is undying and pure, and all that… So what? Dude, it ain’t happening, quit killing yourself, and move on. Oh wait, he didn’t write in. So, Dan could not have advised this. These two simply cannot be friends and if the guy is unwilling to do the right thing, she has to. If she does not, then she deserves the crap many posters are throwing at her.
#109, really? You’re not just being provocative? You can’t see why a straight guy would have a woman for a friend? I’m having trouble imagining how you see women. I know your view isn’t really all that unusual, but there does seem to be an incredible gender divide. I’ve never met a woman who had the least difficulty with the idea of having a male friend who was not a romantic possibility. And no, not just to cadge brawny favors from, or to bask in his hopeless erotic attraction. I mean a guy she’d bail out of a Mexican jail, or she’d help him find the right doctor when his wife was dangerously ill, or she’d talk to him when he wants to convert to Judaism or something. A guy she actually cares about as an individual human soul.
If I couldn’t feel that way about a guy who was not my husband, how could I have built a life with my husband?
I didnt want to read thru all the posts but i just had to say that the boyfriend with the shitty ass needs to get it together. I have had my bare medium hairy ass on many of couches and white blankets with never a stain to be found.
There is no excuse for a GROWN man to have streaks in his undies or other wise. If you havent learned to wipe by the this time them u need some baby wipes or you need to hop your dirty ass in the shower when you take a shit.
And how did she not smell anything when she was blowing this dirty bastard?
In regards to poop stains:
Has anyone ever heard of using flushable wet ones after taking a shit?
Always keep them near the toilet then have the maturity to just tell the boyfriend to use them.
Problem solved.
The incriminating detail in JLJ’s question, as somebody pointed out upthread, is how she becomes hurt when he acts distant. If she’s dating somebody else, she shouldn’t expect her enamored male friend to hang around watching them holding hands. It seems likely that when he becomes distant, she then takes it upon herself to work harder to integrate herself back into his good graces. It puts the lie to the suggestion that he should have left, if he’s tried and she’s stopped him, than the problem is no longer him. Why is it so important to her to maintain a relationship that makes her feel uncomfortable? The next time she finds somebody new and he stops calling her all the time, she should let him go.
And we shouldn’t extrapolate the scenario to our own experiences, but instead look at the details presented and make judgements based on that. Saying “The dude is manipulative because I once had a friend who was like that only he got me drunk and kissed me and I felt violated, ergo they are exactly the same,” isn’t really reading the question and looking at this situation. Give advice to the person, not yourself 5 years ago. Keeping personal experiences out of it and really reading into what people are saying in their emails is why Dan, as he so often says, makes the big bucks.
To JFJ—break it off.
Not that long ago, I was in the same kind of situation. I liked the guy as a friend, he wanted to move in with me, breed, and he’d stay at home with the kids while I went to work.
He actually told me that…more than once. I told him hell no. It helped that we lived in different states.
Eventually, I met somebody who I really did dig, and he got pissy and jealous. I asked him point-blank how long he planned to chase after a girl who’d told him at least once a week that she was never, ever going to date him, that she wasn’t interested in dating him?
It kind of hurt, since I never heard from him again, and I did like him as a friend. That said, it was very stressful for me, and I am glad to not have to deal with that, even though I was sorry the friendship ended.
And unfortunately, you may have to be harsh when you break it off with him. It’s sad, but that’s the way it is.
This has already been covered ad nauseum, but the advice to JFJ? Just Fucking Juvenile.
He’s a big boy. If it’s breaking his little heart to hang around his unrequited beloved …. that is squarely in his bailiwick, my friend. He has feet, presumably. It’s not her job to “protect him” by cutting him off if she truly values his friendship. Why would anyone jump to the conclusion that she’s just using him for some kind of sick narcissistic gratification? If she is, she’s a skua, but where’s the indicators?
I’ve been there, and it’s tough plus to care deeply for someone as a person yet not feel inclined to care for them romantically. However, pity is a rotten basis for any relationship.
If, OTOH, she’s sick of his pissy passive-aggressive shenanigans whenever she’s seeing someone else romantically, she’s well within her rights to kick him to the curb, although some frank discussion first in an attempt to save the friendship is probably in order.
Either way, there’s no “mean girl” in this scenario. Only a “friend” who doesn’t understand personal boundaries any too well.
@ biggie – it could just be me, but your comment screams of ‘nice guy’ mentality. That JFJ dating people other than him does not make the other guys automatically jerks, it just means they aren’t him. That he gets moody and jealous could very well mean he’s emotionally manipulative as well when it comes to romantic relationships and that isn’t attractive or something you’d want to shunt off to your female friends.
JFJ – yes, cut him off. Yes it makes you a ‘bitch’, but unfortunately there’s no way to escape being a bitch in this situation (as you are the attractive female), and you need to look out for yourself first. If he doesn’t have the balls to say “Look, this is too emotionally difficult for me to continue a friendship with you considering my feelings.” then you really shouldn’t put up with any guilt for him. You can try a conversation with him that boils down to “Friendship is all we have but I value it and I value the fact that we’re both adults, can you please act like one?” but don’t hesitate to end it if he can’t.
I helped a female friend move once (mattress up the stairs is heavy). A year and a failed relationship with a different girl later, I “sacked up” and asked her out on a real date. She accepted enthusiastically. One year later, we were married. That was twenty years ago.
A few years ago, I experienced a situation similar to JFJ’s. I started seeing someone new, and the Friend became increasingly passive aggressive, withdrawn, and finally borderline verbally abusive (as things were taking a final turn for the worse in his own on-again-off-again relationship). Had I been older and smarter, I would have called him out immediately. A couple months later, while drunk, he made the slightest physical move on me. I stopped him and very calmly but forcefully told him that New Guy and I were approaching serious and that nothing could happen happen between us. Not too harsh but not vague.
Three years later, we are both happily in long-term relationships, and he has helped me move twice. If he still thinks that one day in the distant future he’ll get a good lay out of all of this, that’s fine. You don’t have to kill a friendship, or even have unrealistic-girl expectations that the dude will stop wanting to sleep with you–just give him enough respect, space, and emotional honesty for the two of you to develop separate, fulfilling lives and it won’t be an issue. JFJ just sounds like she hasn’t gotten to the point where it bothers her enough to really say anything about it.
Also, has anyone considered that JFJ’s guy might be gay? The male friends who clung to me most aggressively when we were younger later came out. Maybe it’s just safer, as a confused guy, to stick with a girl he feels comfortable around and who (as he must secretly know and probably likes) will never actually want to sleep with him.
@124 — the anus has a sphincter and the vagina doesn’t. Big difference.
And just because you believe in something, it doesn’t make it true. Find some sources to cite about your comments on butt sex….
#114,
…the rest of the human race should prefer to keep poop OFF their furniture!…
I don’t think you know ANYTHING about the human race seeing as you’re not a member of it. You seem to know alot about gay men!! I can tell you that none of it’s true. We don’t like shit, or bacteria, or viruses. We probably practice better anal hygeine than most straight men…. SOFAGAL’s BF seems to support this.
#124
The anus isn’t at all like a vagina. Have you ever seen either one? The vagina is a closed pouch. It’s designed to stretch to quite a large size. I know this because I’ve delivered several babies. The anus/rectum is only expected to stretch so far. How BIG is your shit?? And I know this because I have done colorectal surgery in my 25+ year career as a surgeon. Sex in the butt will widen it, but only temporarily. The anal sphincter has a remarkable ability to return to it’s ‘normal’ size.
Most of the world thinks toliet paper and wiping is disgusting. A little cup of water and a little cleaning with the left hand followed by a vigorous hand washing with soap at the sink, would fix SOFAGAL’s boyfriend’s problem for life.
“I don’t see the problem if JFJ’s guy can handle it.”
He can’t and gets jealous, dimwit.
@cleanbuns mcgee: I suggest you refrain from having children or pets. These little things tend to leave shit and piss everywhere. Still, I would say it’s not the main reason why they will get you sick.
And you seem to misunderstand: I’m not suggesting we should stop wiping our butts. My message is: shit sucks, but shit happens. And when shit happens, it’s not a reason to freak out and lose our civility.
Regarding JFJ: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/…
How very appropriate.
What is it with women and shit stains? Like we’ve never stained blood on our underwear, sheets, chairs, etc… Once at SFO, my friend next to me started her period, there were huge clots left on the chair. Yes, it was gross, but was it a deal-breaker on a friendship? NO!!
SOFAGAL: if you can grind your head in your boyfriend’s crotch, you can accept that shit happens. Just clean up afterwards, and use a towel for the future.
SOFAGAL’s boyfriend: find another girlfriend, one who is more accepting of others.
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/…
Sofagal sounds like a total loon. Sniffing stains? Getting this bent out of shape and obsessive? Two words: Therapy.
re: “shit happens”
I notice a number of commenters seem to think it’s Sofagal’s job to wipe up her boyfriend’s shit. I wouldn’t expect someone else to clean up my stains, unless I was in the hospital.
Do girls think most men wipe their asses thoroughly? No, they don’t. Many of them don’t even wash their hands after they piss.
@makowi: i’m not sure what type of household you were raised in but neither my son nor any pets i’ve ever had leave piss & shit all over the house. that is absurd.
what is also absurd is comparing a baby who is not developmentally yet able to clean himself or an animal who lacks the opposable thumbs to clean up after itself with a grown man who is sexually active & should have the manners & responsibility to wipe his ass well enough so as to not leave shit on anything.
it didn’t sound at all like sofagal failed to remain civil. i wouldn’t blame her if she did get upset, it’s icky to know that the person you love/fuck/share space with is leaving skidmarks on various household furnitures.
if someone had a leaky bum or some similar medical problem it would of course be forgivable. shit does happen. but for any man or woman to be lazy enough to fail to clean their ass properly is not.
There’s really no easy answer for JFJ; people can be totally different in this situation, and with the level of detail that she provided, it’s hard to get a really good grasp.
I know, I know, the personal story is dreaded, but I just want to show how totally different people handle this. In high school, I was captain of the Mathcounts team, three year winner of the chess tournament, a master at DnD, and all that. I was also a C cup with great legs and an extreme liking for short skirts who had a thing for touching people–hugging, arms around the shoulders, etc. It’s pretty safe to say that a lot of my male friends had crushes on me, but I didn’t really have any problems with any of them. Recently, I found out that my best friend had a thing for me from Grade 7 until we graduated high school. I was pretty horrified–I basically groveled at his feet, apologizing for any harm I might have done him and asking him not to hate me–and he just sort of laughed and said it wasn’t my fault, he wasn’t mad at me, and all that. We were best friends for seven years, he was in love with me for five, I never noticed, he enjoyed being friends with me, and we’re still friends.
Move to college. I had a big group of friends. One day, this male friend–not a particularly close friend of mine, but he was in the group and I liked him well enough–told me that he’d fallen in love with me the moment he’d met me, and wanted to tell me before it was too late, since I had a serious boyfriend. I told him that I was flattered, but not interested, and wanted to still be friends. The guy…I think he’d been watching too many chick flicks; he was convinced that we were meant to be and that I’d come around if he hung around long enough, so he started stalking me. He’d send me four texts an hour, be waiting at my dorm when I came back…once, he told me that I shouldn’t have straightened my hair that day, because the way it was curling looked great with my shirt. I had straightened my hair before leaving my room that morning. Naturally, I avoided him when at all possible, but this gave me a bit of a bad reputation; I was a bitch who was abandoning a nice guy just because he liked me. Being young and impressionable, I didn’t cut him out of my life as completely as I should have, and ended up giving him the opportunity to spike my drink and rape me.
So all in all, it’s hard to judge whether JFJ can still be friends with her friend; there are so many different possibilities that it’s really impossible for anyone over the Internet to give her actual helpful advice. She’s going to have to trust herself on this.
SOFAGALs BF may have a medical condition that leads to anal leakage-they exist and they’re mighty embarrassing to discuss.
Many irritative intestinal problems can lead to this-colitis, Chron’s Disease, IBS and food sensitivities in general. He may have eaten something unknowingly and missed what happened in the fun of the moment. The underwear issue makes me think this isn’t just a one-time problem.
If she talks to him calmly and like a grown-up they can deal with the situation. If she can’t she should let him find a more considerate GF.
I still don’t get why a straight guy would want a woman as a friend. For what?
here’s a better link for JFJ’s-BFF supporters: http://mightygodking.com/index.php/2007/…
I think in the case of JFL, it really depends on the person. I’ve had friends that were interested in me that I didn’t like, I was aware, and I did enjoy it. However, there have been friends I stopped being friends with because they liked me. I’ve had friends I knew liked me, but wouldn’t ever say anything, so I’d tease them and flirt to see if they would do anything, and I enjoyed that as well. It really depends on the person and your attraction to said person.
I’ve also been on the other side of the spectrum and liked someone I couldn’t have. It was really hard, but I got over it and we are still friends to this day. I learned that our friendship was more important than my attraction, and I was able to get over it.