My husband was 28 when we met and a virgin. When we started having sex, he opened up about being “different.” He wanted to wear panties and wanted me to make fun of his tiny penis. Didn’t love the stuff, but whatever. Now it’s a thousand times worse. He goes to Victoria’s Secret and tells the salesgirls he is being punished by his wife for wearing her panties and that I am “forcing him” to go buy some of his own. He told me he could see our neighbor undressing, so he tried to contact her to see if she wanted to humiliate him while he was dressed as a woman. And he recently “confessed” to a female coworker that he had a deep, dark secret he wanted to tell her. I confronted him, and he said he was going to tell her about me “forcing him” to wear panties and ask if she wanted to see his tiny penis!
He sees nothing wrong with this behavior. I feel like he is a fucking asshole and a pervert who is violating me, our marriage, and other women. I have children with this dude! What the hell do I do?!?
My Husband Is Out
Here’s what the hell you do, MHIO: You make a credible threat to divorce your husband—serve him with actual divorce papers—then you set conditions for suspending divorce proceedings. No more trips to Victoria’s Secret, no more stalking the neighbors, no more inappropriate confessions to coworkers. And he begins seeing a sex-positive therapist immediately.
The shit he’s into—humiliation, “forced” feminization, etc.—can be enjoyed with consenting partners, i.e., women who are either into it or willing to fake it for a reasonable fee. He has no right to drag his coworkers, neighbors, salesgirls, and other innocent bystanders into these extreme humiliation scenarios. And a good, sex-positive therapist—someone who won’t be shocked by your husband’s kinks—may be able to help your husband see that he isn’t being humiliated by these women. He’s humiliating these women—and without their consent.
And that’s not okay.
Your husband is out of control—I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that—and sooner or later he’s going to get his asshole ass arrested. Stalking and sexually harassing women are actual crimes—crimes your loving husband has been so considerate as to implicate you in, crimes that could have a hugely negative impact on the lives of your children. So threaten to divorce him, MHIO, and if that doesn’t inspire him to get help and get a grip, make good on that threat.
My girlfriend of six months found it “awkward” when I used lubricant from a half-full bottle. A half-full bottle “hinted at past relationships.” To me, this was no more awkward than our using condoms from a half-full box—which did not bother her. But she sees condoms as individually wrapped, single-use items, unlike a bottle of lubricant. Was I in the wrong for failing to purchase a new bottle of lube?
Lubrication Etiquette, S’il Vous Plaît
I’m tempted to break into your apartment, LESVP, spike your lube with Frank’s RedHot sauce and open a live feed of the oil pouring into the Gulf of Mexico on both your laptops, because you two need something real to worry about. But as I don’t know where you live: Personal lubricants are expensive. If the girlfriend believes a fresh bottle should be cracked open each and every time she gets with a new partner, then she should carry a case in the trunk of her car. And as a general note: Lube also comes in small, single-ass-serving packets—just like ketchup and mustard and condoms—and anyone worried about half-empty bottles of pubic-hair-befrazzled lube is free to invest in a box.
I have a dilemma: My ex wants me to replace his mattress because I ejaculated on it. Apparently, there was an “unbearable” smell that came about recently due to the heat and humidity where he now lives.
I am not sure that this “stench” is entirely or at all mine. My ex has a cat that peed on items of furniture in the past, for starters, and no other lovers have ever complained about any smell. I also warned my ex that I, a female, was capable of ejaculation. There was an opportunity to grab a towel, but my ex did not stop. In fact, my ex caused me to ejaculate countless times. This ex now lives in a different city on the other side of the country, but we have friends in common.
Should I pay for the replacement mattress? I might have been open to paying half, but the last time we talked, my ex was so negative that I don’t feel any obligation at all.
Should I Soak It Up
I don’t want you to pay for your ex’s new mattress—and I’ll bet your ex doesn’t want you to pay for his new mattress, either.
What’s really going on here, SISIU, is this: Your ex’s out-of-the-blue request for mattress reparations is an attempt on his part, conscious or not, to sever communications with you. He’s picking a fight, one he knows he’s likely to lose (because this is sopping-wet bullshit), so that he’ll have an excuse to stop speaking to you and an excuse to slag you off to your mutual friends.
And even if your ranky, stanky, janky lady spunk ruined your ex’s old mattress, SISIU, you would still not be obligated to replace it. When an adult invites another adult into his bed, he is or should be aware that sexual activity frequently leads to stained sheets and pillowcases, soaked and/or stained mattresses, and, every once in a great while/time, completely and thoroughly destroyed bed frames. A person who is unwilling to eat those losses should fuck on the floor, fuck outside, or fuck at his partner’s place.
Seeing as your ex should have been aware of the general risk sexual activity posed to his mattress, and seeing as you acquainted him with the specific risks you posed to his mattress, the responsibility and the liability are entirely his. So fuck him.
While we’re on the subject of lady ejaculators: Lots of folks wrote in with suggestions for WET, the woman in last week’s column who, like SISIU here, routinely soaked the bed when she came. While I suggested a wrestling mat and towels, numerous readers wrote in to plug the Fascinator Throe.
“It’s a large, double-sided blanket,” wrote one Savage Love reader. “It’s faux fur on one side, satin on the other, with a waterproof barrier in the middle. It comes in lots of colors and costs around $90. It goes anywhere you want to fuck, and it’s easy to clean. This thing saved my bed, and it’s sexier than a wrestling mat.”
Given a choice between a fake-fur bedspread and a genuine wrestling mat, I’d go with the mat—and the wrestler—every time. But lady ejaculators who prefer machine-washable faux fur can check out Fascinator Throes—”the moisture-proof playscape for sex”—at
www.liberator.com.
The Savage Love iPhone app is now available on the iTunes store.
MHIO’s husband’s behavior isn’t submissive at all. It’s actually incredibly sexually presumptuous and aggressive upon these uninvolved women. It doesn’t sound like subspace, it sounds like sexual harassment.
Yes, I am suggesting that she be more GGG, because if she opens up to it and takes full advantage–getting exactly the behavior she desires from her husband–she might find she enjoys it more than she would expect.
If she can’t go there and explore her own domme inclinations and she’s deadset against sending him off to a pro to be disciplined and trained to be the sort of husband she desires, then she shouldn’t just threaten divorce, she should simply divorce him. That sort of kink doesn’t go away. If he isn’t humiliated enough at home or by a pro, he will continue to act this way no matter what she threatens. Best to get out as quickly as possible.
My two cents. Again, I am a newbie domme so I may be off base, I think Dan should check with someone with more experience with FemDom. But I think I’m correct.
The problem is, @52, this is rewarding him for his behavior. His behavior can’t really be handled as part of play. It’s not acceptable in the real world, it’s not a problem about how she doesn’t want to be kinky enough for him. It’s a problem that he’s sexually harassing uninvolved women, not that he wants to go see a pro domme.
@ MHIO… i say she should just divorce the shithead, since he has a tiny cock. What is there left of the relationship? He has already embarrassed himself, her, and the kids. It doesn’t sound at all like he’s a sub. It sounds like he is a sexual pervert headed for incarceration.
@ 33 and 40, i concur as i’m tight but i do get very wet at even one thought of sex, however, lube is sometimes necessary due to cock girth and frequency. More often though, i’ve used lube to give a lightening-speed hand job than for anything else 😉
@52, you’re saying that she needs to play his fucking pathetic game. This man is a husband and a father, but all he seems to care about is his dick. Harassing random women? Dragging co-workers into his sex play? And it’s his WIFE’S job to indulge him so that he’ll stop? Sorry, lady, but that’s fucked up.
He’s not merely being submissive; he’s being an asshole and a criminal. That means she has no obligation whatsoever to be “more GGG,” as a) she doesn’t want to, and b) that would simply be rewarding him for this abuse.
Maybe MHINO can divorce the bastard and Marrena can marry him and put up with his bullshit. Then everybody’s happy.
“half-empty bottles of pubic-hair-befrazzled lube”… Dan, you crack me up!
LOL @56.
I think that Marrena will learn. If she spends much time in the BDSM world, she’ll learn all about guys like MHINO’s husband. She’ll learn the difference between passive-aggressiveness and kink.
The irony is that guys like MHINO’s husband see women as nothing but sex objects, even while they proclaim the superiority of women. This guy doesn’t care whether the women he approaches are into kink, married, or even heterosexual… he gets his rocks off by shocking and embarrassing them. He’s much like a flasher or a rapist, but even more cowardly.
I think, Marrena, that everyone’s jumping on you for one reason: this guy needs a severe jolt to send him back to reality, not to further delve into the world of kink. The guy seems to think that any and everyone is part of his sexual game, he needs a sharp shock of the real-life variety. His wife really should serve him with divorce papers before the creepy fucker gets himself arrested. Being MORE GGG will only make things worse.
Half full bottle of lubricant? And she’s
“uncomfortable”? Gimme a break…
“He’s not merely being submissive; he’s being an asshole and a criminal. That means she has no obligation whatsoever to be “more GGG,” as a) she doesn’t want to, and b) that would simply be rewarding him for this abuse.”
Exactly what I was going to say.
Disciplining a guy 24/7 is grueling work – especially with a guy like this who seems to thrive on pushing boundaries and being punished (I’m not sure our commenter Marrena realizes just how exhausting it can be!). MHIO already has kids. She doesn’t need or want another one.
…Also, if her husband can’t use his words and tell MHIO that he needs a firmer hand, he doesn’t deserve to get one. Hinting is for chumps – and being a passive-aggressive sexually harrassing douchebag is for DIVORCED GUYS who aren’t allowed to see their kids anymore.
MHIO is in need of a lot of advice. Mine is that once you’re old enough to be married or have children it’s time to stop using the term “dude” unless you’re referring to a kind of ranch.
Just to be clear–in no way am I saying she should “put up with his bullshit.” From what she describes he gets off on humiliation, not pain. If she inflicts severe pain on him to punish him for that sort of thing, I think it would serve as much more of a reality jolt than being served with divorce papers.
He’s so far in the pink fog that he thinks his actions are tolerable–he probably thinks that there are a lot of women out there who are into what he’s into, when the reality is more like 300 to 1. So the threat of divorce might be less of a deterrent than you’d think.
A once a week caning doesn’t take all THAT much effort, and if he is forced to do all the housework she will have more leisure time anyhow.
I’m new to the BDSM world but rather familiar with the crossdressing world. Of course most crossdressers are fine and decent individuals, but I’ve come across his ilk on occasion–men like that can get their heads so far up their asses that they really do lose touch with how the real world functions.
LESVP’s gal is as dumb as they come. Doesn’t she use lube to masturbate? Doesn’t she realize other people do?
Oh, and by the way: besides being postmenopausal, on the business end of a fist, or getting it up the ass, another reason a woman might need lube is if she has smoked pot. Know how pot causes cotton mouth? Well, take it from me, it causes cotton cunt, too. Actually, it dries up a lot of body parts.
He sounds like an asshole who basically keeps talking to people about his sexual kink, when his listeners gave no indication they wanted to hear it, just so he can get off.
It isn’t his kink that’s in the wrong here, his kink is cool with me, but it sounds like he’s being a stupid ass.
Marrena, you yourself said that “From what she describes he gets off on humiliation, not pain.” Ten you suggest she cane him to, what, keep him in line? Would you recommend beating children as an effective method of discipline, as well? And I’m going to assume he has some sort of feelings for, if not his wife, his children and their stability, so yeah, the threat of a divorce might be what he needs. You keep saying you’re new to BDSM, but are you that new to human relationships?
Of course I’m not recommending caning children.
You say that the threat of divorce would sink in because he’s concerned about the stability of his children and wife yet he’s offering to show his penis to coworkers–and telling his wife all about it. Does he sound like he’s concerned about the stability of his marriage and family?
Right on Amos, #9.
Dan, enjoyed the letters this week. Informational and bitchy – yahoo
Marijuana causes cotton crotch. Too funny.
MHIO’s husband is so divorced from reality, so completely lacking in impulse control, I’m wondering if maybe something more serious is affecting his behaviour. Like a brain tumor.
Marrena,
If someone is not into physical pain and you cane him, that’s called abuse. Not BDSM. The solution to being mentally abused by this guy is not to retaliate with physical abuse.
The thing about MHIO’s husband is that while we think he’s creepy and being a total douche with his little kink, he probably doesn’t care because by sharing his kink verbally with others, he’s getting enough of a jolt from saying it out loud to unwilling people. I bet you the look on the faces of the women when he says “Hey, I’m into wearing ladies underwear, and I have a tiny pecker!” is more than enough for him.
She needs to DTMFA before they both end up smeared across the pages of the local news.
Secondly, I’m on BCP and where I used to be able to attain g-spot gushers, I can barely moisten my underwear now. If it wasn’t for lube, I’d have the worst case of cocksucker’s cramp this side of Monica Lewinsky.
No, it doesn’t. Caning him isn’t going to make him give a shit. Telling him you’re leaving and taking the kids with you might. He obviously doesn’t see how serious this is, and shit like this calls for grand measures – like giving him warning that he stops the psycho bullshit or he never sees his kids again. And if he’s so unstable that he truly doesn’t care about his wife or family, why would you want her to bend to his unreasonable behavior? She needs to get the fuck out. No one deserves to be in a marriage with a selfish asshole.
@ 16,
Ummm, I used to work for a store that sold a lot of discount underwear. Factory seconds, discontinued lines, over stock, etc etc. It was very popular with men who wore ladies undies. Very popular. Not only did men like MHIO’s husband show up, but so did others who were a lot worse.
I think Marrena’s advice about caning would be fine if this was a standard BDSM relationship, where a “punishment” would be part of a dynamic.
However, this is not a normal situation. MHIO’s husband is crazy and engaging in criminal behavior. You can’t spank away that kind of pathology. The odds that therapy or medication will work are slim, but they might be worth a try.
Dan’s advice is solid, and it’s really the only option.
Also, natural lubrication varies with how well hydrated you are. If you’ve eaten Chinese food the day before, it’s been really hot outside, just didn’t get anything to drink at lunch, pretty much anything will dry you out, and it’s not something you can fix without 32 oz of h2o and an hour’s wait. If you are dehydrated enough your mouth and eyes will dry out in order to reroute all moisture to your cunt though! ( I would suspect semen volume would be affected by this too).
He sounds like an asshole who basically keeps talking to people about his sexual kink, when his listeners gave no indication they wanted to hear it, just so he can get off.
It isn’t his kink that’s in the wrong here, his kink is cool with me, but it sounds like he’s being a stupid ass.
@ MHIO and after reading others’ posts, i feel i have to say more about this guy who is pushing his sexuality onto unsuspecting people… others have mentioned boundaries, perversions, etc… i totally agree with them, and it brought to mind an incident decades ago with an in-law who, at a family gathering, quietly showed his dirty deck of cards around. He got his jollies out of the shocked look on our faces, i’m sure. He showed a flagrant lack of respect and obviously had boundary issues.
No surprise that he was arrested a few months later for sexual assault on a minor – his own step-daughter (my niece).
MIHO’s husband is cut of the same cloth, and is but a few steps away from the jail cell, i’m sure.
Wow, Marrena, did you not read MHIO’s letter? This isn’t about his kink. Are you suggesting she actually reward him for being a boundary-less jerk?
No. Nuh-uh. No way.
‘Dirty deck of cards’…I spent a few seconds trying to figure out what that was a euphemism for. Thanks for the laugh!
MIHO doesn’t need to threaten divorce, she needs to get a divorce. She is not engaged in a realationship that she enjoys or that meets her sexual needs. She is stuck ina marrriage with someone who she regards as an “asshole and a pervert” who is committing real crimes of sexual harrassment against many other women.
This asshole, who is really no different than the asshole who whips out his dick in a public place, will get arrested and, quite possibly labeled as a sex offender. She has children and his behavior will, at some point alert CPS. She could very well lose her children, at least to temporary foster care, because of her asshole husband.
Divorce the motherfucker already MIHO. He is out of control. You can’t stand him, and especially because his creepy lies include you, he is a legal danger to you and your children.
He can see a therapist any time he wants, but he won’t. He thinks that what he does is just fine. That is not your problem.
LESVP says his girlfriend is uncomfortable due to a half full bottle of lube “hinting at other relationships”.
This could mean she’s the jealous type or, as someone else commented, more of a germophobe. Let’s consider where his or some other partners hands/fingers might have already been when they decide to grab the bottle to re-lube (not to mention falling on the floor). This is yucky to me and I am not a germophobe.
Many eye drops are now sold in individual vials – it takes very little to contaminate containers and the contents. And that’s from eyes not pubic areas.
So wiping down the outside isn’t enough. If the guy likes this woman, rather than give her grief he ought to accommodate her fastidiousness and get those individual lube vials.
If LR didn’t misunderstand and girlfriend really is just resentful of previous partners, well, argument still holds.
In fact, he’s got a great opportunity here to get her very GGG: gift wrap a box of vials along with some sexy lingerie.
MHIO’s husband sounds a lot like a man I had to deal with as a sales girl at Victoria’s Secret (not the same guy, since this one was single and liked to tell–and in the dressing rooms, “accidentally” show–us how big his cock was. He was about the skeeziest person I’ve encountered (and I’ve worked retail for many years now), and the thought of him today still makes my skin crawl. Every girl he harassed felt awkward, uncomfortable, and violated. It feels like a mild sex crime, and we all became unwilling participants of his foreplay. Seriously, slap the motherfucker upside the head with a nice legal proceeding–if not for yourself, then for the girls he’s victimizing.
It’s not rape, but damn if we didn’t feel violated.
If an ex of any sort leaves their “mark” on your mattress, hell hide under some sheets but you gotta venerate that stuff. It means you lived, at one point in your life.
@21: “Anal. You need lube for that regardless of how ready he gets you. And no, putting vaginal juices on your bum won’t work.”
For years I thought that was true, and I never had anal sex without using tons of extra lube. But since then, I’ve known (and “known”) a couple women who could make anal work with just their vaginal juices for lubrication (plus whatever saliva was left over from oral sex). One girl in particular could do it pretty much at will: when she was ready, she’d just reach down and move me from one place to the other.
Now in every case it was the woman’s idea, not mine. And I don’t advocate that anyone else do this, especially if they’re not experienced and enthusiastic anal sex fans. But if she moves me from her pussy to her ass, of her own volition and with no hint of pain or discomfort, who am I to argue?
She certainly seemed to like it just fine, to say the least, and truth be told I thought it was pretty hot too. We were already having anal a few times a week, so it took her almost no time to relax enough to admit my cock. Sometimes it almost seemed like her ass got a little bit wet on its own (the mythical “self-lubricating anus”), which I’ve heard can happen if a person has anal sex on a regular basis though I have no idea if that’s actually true.
Ah, the memories…
I hate to say it, but I am totally on board with the girlfriend wanting a new bottle of lube. For me it has nothing to do with past girlfriends or masturbation– a half empty bottle of lube that I did not empty just skeeves me out. It’s the same reason I throw away all the leftover chinese in the fridge.
I agree with Dan- bring your own fucking lube. Being a considerate clean freak means traveling with your own product!
Holy SHIT, Batman! And I thought MY ex was bad! MHIO, DTMFA!
@32: Good idea! I second that!
Oh for fuck’s sake–I’m not condoning the man’s behavior. For a sex board this place is hilariously moralistic. I don’t give a shit whether caning him is “rewarding” him or not. It wouldn’t be abuse if he enjoys humiliation and female domination–it would just be very unpleasant for him–a kind of humiliation he would want to avoid in the future. I’m just being realistic and pragmatic. Crossdressers like this are a type, as both #76 and #85 pointed out. Fortunately a rare type, but a type. If he were rational enough to respond to the threat of divorce, he would be rational enough to act like this on the sly and NOT TELL HIS WIFE. But he’s beyond that point–he’s not only getting off on doing what he’s doing, he’s getting off on telling his wife about it.
Occasionally Dan gives advice to good pedophiles, pedophiles who don’t act on their urges, on how to control their kink by having lots of roleplay with young-looking sex partners, always making sure that one has a sex partner, etc. All I’m saying is to take a similar approach with this type of kink. His kink is NOT going to go away, but it can be managed. If his wife isn’t into disciplining him, send him to a pro domme as I said–not as a freaking REWARD but to give a healthy outlet to his kink, a way to control and channel it, rather than engaging in a fruitless attempt to repress it by threatening divorce. That’s only if she thinks it’s worth the effort to try to salvage the relationship with her husband and father of her children. Again I recommend that she read Elise Sutton’s book. If it’s not worth that to her, as I posted previously she shouldn’t just threaten divorce, she should simply divorce.
Depending (in part) on how MHIO has talked to her husband about it, it is at least *possible* that he doesn’t realize that he’s coming across as a creeping creeper with extra creep sauce.
Someone who is 28 and a virgin is… well, I see 3 major probabilities, 2 of which don’t fit with the rest of his behavior. He’s nigh unto asexual, he’s strongly religious, or he’s *really* bad at relating to people. Possibly somewhere on the autism spectrum, possibly just clueless and/or stupid.
If he’s *that* bad at picking up on social clues, he genuinely might not realize that he’s creeping these women out. Which would drop his behavior, morally speaking, from “unforgivable a**hattery” to “a serious problem to be worked on”.
Presumably, the man has at least *some* positive qualities (there’s some reason she married him, after all), so she should at least give him a chance to shape up (with as clear of an explanation as possible as to what the problem is) before she ditches him.
I agree with catbus. MHIO needs to consider getting her husband evaluated for neurological problems that might lead to this type of acting out, along with following Dan’s excellent advice.
Also, Marrena, reading you saying “guys he’s just in subspace! his wife needs to cater to his needs by making his sexually assaultive behavior part of her sex play with him! lol!” is making me want to slam my head through a brick wall. What part of “pushing your kinks on unsuspecting third parties is not part of a game and is not OK” don’t you understand?
I’m amazed at being the first one to suggest this: MHIO’s husband has a mental disorder! He’s not just an “asshole”, “freak”, “douchebag”, or whatever. He’s mentally ill.
I’m not a psychiatrist, but from the psychiatric popular stuff I read, I’d put good money on it. Come on, the guy’s delusional! He’s living in a world of a constant sex game. He lost his grip on reality! I’m afraid he needs to see a psychiatrist, not just a shrink.
Unfortunately, many people get diagnosed only when the illness progresses way too much. It is only on the late stages of a mental illness that people consider the possibility of mental illness — before that, we’re all willing to explain the abnormal behavior in terms of assholery and such.
I may be wrong, of course, I’m not a pro (and I’ll be glad to turn out wrong on this one), but it’s worth checking out. A good therapist will spot it, anyway, so Dan’s advice is still good.
Honey, we ALL agree this guy needs to see a psychiatrist.
And @93–reading comprehension. From my post #92
“Oh for fuck’s sake–I’m not condoning the man’s behavior”
#64 “Just to be clear–in no way am I saying she should “put up with his bullshit.”
#48 “So yes, he wasn’t himself. That is absolutely NO EXCUSE for his illegal behavior.”
#37 “Yes, yes, yes–I did say he needs therapy, and he needs to understand what he is doing is not only wrong but illegal–I said that.”
#19 “Certainly he needs to see a therapist and be warned of the real world legal dangers of what he’s doing. “
What he’s doing is wrong. And I’m not suggesting that he be encouraged in that particular type of behavior–I’m not suggesting that he roleplay with a pro domme pretending to be a VS sales clerk. I’m suggesting that that type of crossdressing submissive will respond extremely well to corporal punishment if administered by a domme, and that not only can he be made to obey society’s rules, he can be made to obey his wife’s rules.
Marrena, I don’t think you see the pragmatism of the responses you’re getting. If MHIO dominates him to stop him sexually harassing other women, she gets herself into an incredibly shitty bind: she will have to keep dominating him in order to keep him from sexually harassing other women. He never has to take responsibility for his behaviour and his needs – instead his wife (mommy) has figured it out for him and provided, at her expense. What will he do when he has other needs? Keep acting out! It works! What will happen if she misses a week or if they run out of money for the pro-domme? Nothing good, because he’s never learnt to actually deal with his problems and feelings in any reasonable way.
I also don’t think you get how invasive and soul-sucking it is to be ‘GGG’ with someone who has effectively coerced you into it. It may not take ‘that much effort’ to cane someone once a week, but if I thought my options were caning someone I no longer respect for their pleasure vs having my family and dignity destroyed I don’t think I’d feel super-lubricated about the former. This situation is not GGG, & not tenable.
In pragmatic terms, your solution leaves MHIO still married to an asshole, albeit a fetishistically satisfied one. Both of Dan’s solutions provide MHIO herself with the possibility of a viable future.
@85: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!
He sounds like a total shitwipe! I hope you sued his sorry ass to the moon.
Nobody should have to deal with a sexually twisted creep like that!
Marrena,
Lady, seriously, give it up. The more time you spend on this limb, defending yourself, the further you prove you haven’t a leg to stand on. Agree to disagree and walk away. Other posters might not chastise your suggestions so harshly, if you weren’t so dead-set on being right.
LOL, I’m a domme. Of course I’m convinced I’m right! In this case I happen to be right.
Of course if the wife isn’t up for it then she shouldn’t do it. I was just asking her to consider if perhaps she was up for it. If she’s not, and the pro domme thing is not an option, Dan is not doing her any favors by suggesting she merely threaten to divorce him. She will divorce him.
Marrena, jeez shuttup will ya!?
@Marrena, once you get a bit of experience behind you, perhaps then you might realise that an out-of-control individual – sub or not – is not someone you want to play with.
If the guy has no conception for appropriate boundaries, then indulging him by seemingly to encourage his fucked-up fantasies is not going to improve matters.
BDSM is about consent, and he is involving these women in his own screwed up scene -without- their consent. I don’t care how many canings or how much discipline you hand out, if he doesn’t understand that, dishing out “reward” behaviour is not going to help him understand that.
If you know so many experienced dommes, talk to them about this nutter. As a top, I can as sure as hell tell you I wouldn’t want this guy anywhere near me until he sorted out his boundary issues and abusive behaviour.