You probably get this question every day. I’m a man who loves it when my girlfriend fucks me with a strap-on. Another great thing: My girlfriend ejaculates frequently and plentifully when we have sex, and she has done so when she’s pegging me. Which leads to my question: What are the possible issues from getting female ejaculate in your ass? I am thinking about modifying a toy in a way that might enable her to squirt up my ass. It probably won’t work, but I am going to try. Because if it does work…
Oh My Fucking God
I get questions about female ejaculation every day—where does that shit come from? How the hell can I/my girlfriend learn to do that shit? Is that shit really piss?—but you’re the first person to ask me about modifying a sex toy so as to enable a woman to come in a man’s ass. (You’re going to want to patent that thing if it works, OMFG.)
Allow me to quickly dispense with the usual questions: It comes shooting out of a woman’s urethra; practice, practice, practice; that shit isn’t piss. How do we know it’s not piss? Science!
In 2007, a crack team of sex researchers in Vienna “collected” lady ejaculate from two lady ejaculators—not a huge sample, admittedly, but two lady ejaculators are better then none—and rushed their lady ejaculate to the lab, where it was “evaluated biochemically.” They published the results of their study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (“The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical Studies of Female Ejaculate,” JSM, September 2007). They concluded that lady ejaculate isn’t piss, it’s come: “The fluid emitted [was] clearly different than urine voided prior to sexual activity,” they wrote. “The values show that the source of fluid expulsion during orgasm is not urine, but is rather similar to male ejaculate.”
As lady ejaculate is chemically similar to gentleman ejaculate, OMFG, the risks of a lady ejaculating in your ass would presumably be similar to the risks of a gentleman ejaculating in your ass: You would be at risk of acquiring any sexually transmitted infection she might have. But if your lady ejaculator is disease-free, OMFG, then letting her come in your ass is a risk-free, if not squick-free, activity.
I’m a 24-year-old female living in London, where I have just finished a degree in circus arts. I’m in a relationship with a great guy. The problem is that while I have had long- and short-term relationships before, he hasn’t, and he can be very emotionally needy. For example, he can’t/won’t sleep without me in the bed. We’ve been together for 10 months, and he often tells me that I’m everything in his life. I’ve told him that under no circumstances is this normal, and I’ve confirmed my right to have a life outside of him. The real crux of the situation is this: I worked on and off as a stripper in a high-end club for two years. I haven’t done it while with him because of the physical demands of my degree. Now I’m done and broke and want to return to this work. This is an issue for him, as you can imagine. I won’t compromise: The job was great for me and allowed me such sexual (and financial!) liberation. I didn’t orgasm for the first time until after I took control of my own sexuality via stripping.
I don’t know how to handle this issue: He knew this about me when we met and says he hoped it wouldn’t carry on. I feel upset that he hasn’t accepted the whole of me and I guess part of me wonders if I’m in the wrong relationship. I love this man, but I feel trapped.
Clown College Graduate
Inexperience might explain extreme emotional neediness, CCG, but it’s no excuse. It’s just as likely that your boyfriend’s clingy, manipulative shtick—he just can’t sleep alone, you’re his everything, if you go back to a job you loved before you loved him, well, he’ll be vewy sad—looks to me like controlling, emotionally abusive behavior in pathetic sad-clown drag.
But you like him, CCG, so let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, shall we? Tell your boyfriend that you’re going back to your old job and he has a choice to make: Get over it or get over you.
If he sucks it up and makes an effort to change, he was just an insecure little douchebag and, hey, you helped him get over it! If he doubles down on the whining and clinging, then he’s a controlling dick and you’re well rid of him.
A quick comment on monogamy: I agree with you on the point that we tend to assume that all the other couples we know are in monogamous relationships, when in reality many are not. Recently, my mom told me that she wouldn’t mind if my father had an affair. Sex has become harder for her since menopause, and she doesn’t consider it the be-all and end-all of a marriage.
I’ve been married for a year, with several years of dating before that, and sex and arousal can be difficult for me and I have a lower libido than my husband. I’m not complaining—my husband is a wonderful lover and has been good about taking things at the right pace for me. And when the sex works, it’s amazing. One thing that really takes the pressure off me, though, is that we agreed long before marriage that faithfulness for us meant honesty, not exclusivity. My husband knows that if he wants to fool around, he can—so long as he’s safe and honest (with me and with her). The same goes for me.
Does my marriage, or my parents’ marriage, count as monogamous? We look monogamous and probably will always look that way—and at the moment, we all are. But we’ve agreed that strict monogamy isn’t a requirement. Since I doubt that we’re alone in this attitude, you can add this group of “theoretical nonmonogamists” to the list of people who get wrongly classed by your critics as totally monogamous out of a lack of imagination and knowledge about other people’s lives.
Invisible In Canada
I’m convinced that there are a lot more PTBMCs out there than people realize—that’s “perceived to be monogamous couple,” a married/partnered couple with an understanding about when outside sexual contact is permissible. But for most of these couples—for you, IIC, for your parents, for me and my husband—the term “nonmonogamous” isn’t a good fit.
Tell an AMC—”actually monogamous couple”—that you’re nonmonogamous, and they’ll assume you’re a couple of huge sluts, i.e., that you’re actively seeking outside sex partners or that you’re swingers. There’s nothing wrong with seeking outside sex partners (in moderation!) or swinging (ditto!), but that’s not what you’re doing, IIC, it’s not what your dad has permission to do, and it’s not what my husband and I are doing. So if we—you, me, your mom—tell an AMC we’re “nonmonogamous,” we have to spend the next 15 minutes qualifying that statement. And that requires us to disclose more details about our actual sex lives than
(1) we wanna say, and (2) they wanna hear.
So I’ve got a new word to describe relationships like yours, mine, and your mom’s, IIC: “monogamish.” We’re mostly monogamous, not swingers, not actively looking. Monogamish.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
I’m going to get crucified for this, but if a woman is starting off with a totally empty bladder, then the small amount of ejaculate that comes out is not pee. However, unlike men women don’t have that valve that shuts off the bladder when they orgasm, so if a woman ejaculates with a full bladder then absolutely most of the liquid that is coming out is pee (mixed with small amounts of girl ejaculate). The Skene’s glands aren’t the size of a grapefruit, people. When women shoot six feet, most of that fluid is pee.
@53 — Monogamy plus?
@54 getting pegged is something I’ve always wanted to try but couldn’t get my ladies to do it to me.
Monoga-wise?
The study Dan mentions sounded worse than a joke because of the tiny sample size, but apparently The Journal of Sexual Medicine is a reputable peer-reviewed journal published by a reputable firm and has a more than respectable impact factor. Of course, @4, this does not explain why they’d publish a study conducted by a lot of inbred Austrian mutants.
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/journal/1…
@57 That just upsets me! In 5 minutes someone said they always wanted it and years have gone by and i haven’t met a man that actually did 🙁
Feelin’ sorry for myself now………lol
@1: What basis do you have for thinking it’s fake? *My* wife likes pegging me, and she squirts too. I would totally buy this toy if he made and sold them.
How can we get @54 and @57 together?
The lady who wants to find a man who wants to be pegged could try fetlife.com It’s a free website and has many kinky folks looking for play partners. As a free site, it also has a lot of phonies and flakes, so caution is in order..
re: CCG
As a fairly emotionally needy dude who dated a lovely woman during period when she went from being a waitress, to being a waitress at a strip club, to actually stripping, I’d like to offer a line of argument to CCG.
Basically, there was nothing sexier, more flattering, and ultimately more security-inducing than knowing that although she spent her evenings as the center of attention in a room full of men who would have given nearly anything to be with her, she still came back to me every night. She rejected them all–no matter how handsome, no matter how rich or professionally accomplished, and accepted me. With a regular girlfriend, the fear that she’ll meet and leave you for some guy who simply outclasses you always lurks in the back of the mind… but with her, she’d already seen them all and made her choice.
Plus, not only did she come back to me, but she came back to me horny as hell. While it wasn’t exactly a perfect situation, and I from time-to-time pushed her to stop (not because I cared, but because it wasn’t really a good environment for her and her body image issues; on a couple occasions she came back in tears instead), I honestly remember it as six of the happiest months of my life.
The product that would come out of OMFG’s ass, if he can get his device to work, should be called BACHMANN.
Suprisingly, “Is that Shit Really Piss” is the title of Dr. Atkins new book.
Marrena @ 55, your comment is wrong in so many ways, and I was going to sit here and look up factual research points and then I decided that you weren’t worth it.
@54
You might try introducing the boyfriend to prostrate massage. He can experiment with it himself, as the prostate can be reached with one finger on the forward wall just inside the anus. Massaging the prostrate while masturbating is amazing in my experience, increasing the feeling both in magnitude and in the different feeling it generates. I have never had a strap-on experience, but assume that it is the contact with the prostate that makes those men who enjoy being pegged, want it. There is literature available on the subject of prostate massage. Tantra talks about it and Tantrikas do it. Check out “Sexuality.org” which has a wealth of articles on everything you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask.
Keep in mind that a person has to want to do something before they will be willing to change their approach. That means “selling” them on why they should want to do it. Not why you want them to do it. Introduce him to some articles casually and let his curiosity emerge. The idea of a greatly enhanced orgasm can be a powerful motivator to overcome any problem developed in childhood about not touching the “dirty thing” and its attendant smell etc.
Merlin
#39… I <3 you, you are awesome.
I’m not an ejaculator, though I make puddles. I have a sensory disorder and the plus side is I am very, very sexually sensitive. I come a lot. I’ve come from having my elbows rubbed and no other contact.
We are all a little different from everyone else. Female ejaculation is just one of those differences. It’s not a “trick” someone can learn – it’s like curling your tongue. You can, or you can’t, and neither is bad.
@65: i’m reposting your comment for a wider audience:
“The product that would come out of OMFG’s ass, if he can get his device to work, should be called BACHMANN.” by BTO
This is just more proof that the people with the most exciting sex lives are the ones who rarely if ever talk about them. I’m suspicious of the Ross Douthat types who jaw on and on about how emotionally and physically satisfying monogamy is in their marriage and how enlightened their sex lives are. And Christianist types love talking about sex, just think of poor Gail Haggard bragging (pre-meth and hookers) about how awesome the sex was with Ted. Ew. All talk, no action.
On the contrary, people who have tons of filthy, fulfilling orgasms don’t talk about it as much, as talking is way more boring than doing. The quietest, more boring married couple you know could likely be fisting everybody in the tri-state area, and playing scrabble and cooking stir-fry just to recover.
Hey, lay off Gayle Haggard! Bitch can’t help it if she’s a Closeted Gamma Wife (or, if you prefer, a Gamma Wife Wannabe).
My girlfriend ejaculates, and we just keep a pile of towels by the bed. No problem.
The term “squirter” is kind of crude, but the only other term I’ve heard in regular use is “rainmaker,” which is kind of precious. Dan, you got any better words for women who ejaculate?
@71
The implication being that filthy/fufilling orgasms happen in poly relationships (or monogamish) and monogamous couples just run their mouths and never fuck? Give me a fucking break.
Someone in the previous thread summed up my feelings about monogamy perfectly: time is finite.
For me personally?
Hours in a week: 24 x 7 = 168
less sleep = 112
less work time = 88
less time on campus = 64
less laundry = 62
less transit = 50
less studying = 45
less showers and grooming = 34
less grocery shopping = 32
less yoga = 31
less cooking/eating time = 17
less other appointments = 15
okay so that’s 15 hours.
A lot of that is unusable time (I usually don’t do much between 9pm when I get home from class and 11pm when I shower before bed) So generally that works out to about two or three chunks of social time per week depending on exams/midterms/work demands.
Generally that means 1-3 times a week I see my man and 0-1 times a week I see friends. The only place I’d get time for someone else is by taking away time from someone I already see less than I’d like.
Doesn’t make sense for me.
But maybe y’all have more free time.
Regarding female squirt, puddles, flow-down-the-crack-of-her-ass-finger-lube, or (my favorite) slip-and-bust-your-butt-on-a-hardwood-floor cum: it doesn’t happen with everyone and, generally speaking, those who don’t have it or who haven’t experienced it don’t want to hear about those other girls you knew who do.
@74
Time and emotional energy. That’s finite too.
I actually have two girlfriends, and I find it really stressful, because dealing with people for me is quite hard work even when I like them, so as well as girlfriend-time and friend-time, there also has to be no-one-time, or nobody will want to spend time with me anyway because I’ll be a grumpy, volatile, socially-incompetent bitch.
In terms of pure time I can handle multiple partners (mostly because I don’t sleep much or study enough…), but in terms of emotional energy two full-on girlfriends is really more than I’m totally comfortable with. If it was a situation of one girlfriend and casual sex on the side, though, I might be able to cope with that in terms of both time and energy. But what I actually have is the opposite (one of them is asexual, so I actually only have one person I have sex with) and it’s the level of emotional input that has to go into maintaining multiple relationships that I find difficult.
(And then I consider the fact that I’m going to be sharing a house with both of them from next month, and I think I may have a nervous breakdown by Christmas…)
@55 does hit on a good point. I’m not a doubter, but where is this volume coming from? If the female prostate is analogous to the male prostate, (and the porn geysers aren’t completely a joke) it must be an order of magnitude larger … as in, not just 50% larger, or even twice as large, but 10 or more times larger. Or is it not stored? Somebody shed some light here.
Oh, and never been with a squirter. Been with oozers,though, and assumed it was lubricant being squeezed out by orgasmic contractions. Maybe that was ejaculate?
and so the worm turns…
Hunter…
my schedule isn’t meant to be noteworthy, it’s meant to be (somewhat) average (so as to illustrate my point).
Without knowing my schedule, how could you know my arithmatic is poor? Unless you’re arguing that 24 x 7 isn’t 168. Sounds like classic trolling to me! 🙂
Are you actually arguing that flirting takes a relationship from monogamous to “monogamish” or poly??
The Vienna study is not the only study out there on female ejaculation. Some were even done in the good ol’ US of A, as if that’s any real recommendation. Most studies are European, because they aren’t nearly as fucking uptight about sex as this country is. Research has to be funded, imagine how easy it must be to get money put in your hand after announcing “We’re going to diddle a bunch of women til they squirt”.
We’ve had this arguement before, piss or not piss. Right now I love Dan for his extensive research and persuasive stance on the right side of this debate. And @24, I’m so jealous–I’ve been to Tristan’s lectures (she’s so damn cute!!) but in retail settings, so by law there couldn’t be any, ahem, hands on demonstrations.
And one more testimonial–squirting is totally real. In fact, I squirted about 30 minutes ago….
15 – What evidence do you have for that? Oh, honey, there are A LOT of women who don’t even think about sex when doing their JOB which might just happen to be stripping. I did that job for about 4 years and nope, I never felt some dreary urge to “open” the relationship. If you’re a guy, just remember that for MOST women it is just a job and that’s all it is. Sure, there are those “young-naive-woman-who-found-her-sexuality-when-she-stripped” types but they are definitely not common and they’re not the majority. So, you can remove that thought from the “fill-in-the-blank-with-assumptions” section of your brain. Stripper does not automatically equal woman who will end up wanting an open relationship. Say it to yourself now.
4 – I do agree about young men needing to learn about sex from somewhere besides porn mainly because of the drift towards violence, rape and hatred of women that is becoming more and more commonplace but that is beside the point. The rest of your post is very telling. It really sounds like you need to work on your self esteem. You have mentioned all these ways that you are “just doing things you don’t want to do to please some man” when it is YOUR sex life. You need to learn how to enjoy it and then expect that feeling of satisfaction and, depending on the person, that feeling of connection. Do you really pretend to want to be with women just so you’re not left out? If you don’t like it, don’t do it. In fact, don’t do ANYTHING that you don’t like doing. Why? Because when you do things that really make you uncomfortable and you don’t enjoy it you are training your sex partner to have no concern about your part in the sex. The reality is, there ARE plenty of sex partners out there who will suit YOU – ok, that is if you just want to have sex. I know that is silly considering this thread but if you don’t have any hang ups or neurotic fetishes then you should have a lifetime of acceptable sex partners. For every man who expects piss, there will be hundreds who wouldn’t have a clue and if they met a woman who ejaculated would most likely be ok with it or at least willing to learn about that particular woman. Right now, you’re letting others and fear and paranoia dictate to you what you should think and feel and that is a monumental waste of time. Learn what makes you orgasm and learn what thoughts turn you on and what sort of partner does it for you and then start having those as your strongest thoughts instead of obsessing about what is happening in porn. Even if a man watched it from his teenage years and hadn’t slept with a woman until his ’30s, it would be doubtful that the ONE man you end up with in bed will be the one who insists on all sorts of unrealistic malarcky found in a porno. If you keep on obsessing about you WILL put pressure on yourself and you will also attract those sorts of people. Take over your sex life and start enjoying it and you may just meet some really great guys who want what you want! I really don’t get you women who have been brainwashed into believing your wants don’t matter. The first time a man gives off that whiff of “expecting” some tedious act he saw in porn? Kick him to the curb. There’ll be another one for sure. Don’t let someone else decide for you.
28 – 12 whole feet, eh? You may want to buy a measuring tape.
55 – Well said and something I learned back in medical school – that would be before Wikipedia, kids. I’ve been laughing at all the posts because you are right, it isn’t the size of a grapefruit. Your comment made me LOL.
Mydriasis: my last several partners asked me repeatedly if I squirt and got all mopey when I said that I don’t. I’m glad nobody’s given you that “hoop” to jump through but I promise you, it happens.
Tangent to nobody in particular: my boyfriend and I are now officially monogamish! (I love that word…) The other day, with permission from my boyfriend (and after having discussed the general idea for months), I made out with another dude. I half-expected my bf to be upset after the fact (lots of things sound fine in theory but are less fine in practice) but nope, I came home from hanging out with this dude and said “Yeah, so ___ and I made out” and my bf was like, “Cool.”
So I get to have the security of a long-term loving relationship and the thrill of first kisses! I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 😀
@cowgirl
Really? Shitty. Sorry to hear that. (re: the squirting, not the kisses)
I don’t squirt either and I’m glad I don’t. Pointless mess in my books.
@74 wait, I’m not trying to be snarky or anything but I don’t understand your system. Are you subtracting each of those numbers from 168? Or are those monthly numbers?
@92: Each time allotment is being deducted from the previous total, and the number listed is the amount of time left. So after subtracting sleep, she’s left with 112 hours left, and after subtracting work, she’s left with 88 hours.
And if I spent 12 hours a week in transit, 11 hours a week on washing and grooming, and 14 hours a week on cooking and eating, I think I’d go insane. Although time spent cooking and eating is also often social time as well. And of course I probably spend 60 hours a week on the computer so I shouldn’t be talking.
Also, 2 hours a week on laundry? How is that possible? I think I spend about 10 minutes a week on laundry.
84, I agree. It sounds like this guy is clingy and immature in other respects, which is probably what provoked Dan’s negative reaction. If the stripping job issue is considered by itself, though, the boyfriend has every right to be bothered by it. There are a lot of jobs I wouldn’t be comfortable with a partner doing, and most of them have nothing to do with sex–except insofar as screwing people unfairly out of their money might be involved! If those choices can matter to a relationship, then why shouldn’t taking a stripping job matter? I wouldn’t want to date a bounty hunter, chiropractor, bullrider, or derivatives trader either.
@94: I just have to ask: why those jobs?
@87– “Drift towards violence, rape, and hatred towards women that is becoming more commonplace.”
Do you mean in porn or in the culture at large in its attitudes towards sex and sexuality in general?
I wouldn’t know what the trends are in porn. From what I see of crime statistics on violence against women, from what I read in history as to what was considered violence against women, from what I note looking at the media, and talking to folks in general, violence, rape, and hatred towards women are on the decrease.
@4
You know what, dude? I would have totally agreed with you until a few months ago.
I’ve slept with more than my fair share of women. I would consider myself a man with more than average experience.
A few months ago, during a drug-fuelled nonstop weekend sex marathon that involved a lot of fisting (first time with her) with a longtime lover, there was a lot of squirting. Actually “squirting” is a complete understatement. Gushing. Spraying. Flooding. over and over and over and over. The damned mattress was soaked and I, *I*, mr. openminded was pretty damned squicked, I have to ashamedly admit. I’m pushing 40 and I’ve never seen that shit before. We’re talking litres and litres of liquid over the weekend.
Anyway. Trying to say, as have others in this thread, squirting does, in fact, exist.
It’s not common, but it exists.
oh. sorry. I re-read comment 4 and realize it’s coming from a chick not a dude. sorry.
Your comment makes even less sense now. Unless you’ve been with lots of women, how could you decide that it doesn’t exist based on what? the fact that you don’t squirt?
dumb.
I have been in monogamish relationships and totally understand the dilemma. On the one hand, I didn’t want to help perpetuate the illusion that everyone is monogamous. But on the other, revealing the real deal is more info than is really appropriate for most.
It’s (ironically!) almost easier to talk about it if you are completely poly, because there are words for it. But, there are often even fewer people that it is comfortable to talk about that with!
I’ve gotten so tired of being in the closet as a poly person that I’ve started blogging, anonymously. If anyone wants to check it out, I’m at http://www.polygrrl.com. Would love to hear your comments.
65 and 70 are my heros. And geniuses.
The female ejaculation is not a myth! It does however require rather more than wham/bam/thank you mam. I have been priviledge to experience the female ejaculation in more than 70% of the relationships that I have had. For some ladies it was immediate and continued throughout the relationship. For some of the others it did not happen until there was a deeper emotional tie between us. For the smaller portion of relationships that did not include female ejaculation I had a sense that some of the women were holding back because of inner taboos and or self-esteem issues that did not allow them to completely embrace their sexuality. When it did happen spontaneously I always encouraged it. There is/was never any pressure for them to “come”, but when it happens it is always pleasant for both of us. It is most assuredly not “pee”. Some ladies were very generous with the amount that would be discharged and some were not large at all, so I think is depends on many factors as to how much is present in any encounter. My previous Asian girlfriend would squirt literally quarts in a single extended sex session. We had to prepare carefully before hand to ensure that there was not a huge mess and that was part of the thrill too!
@20 The answer is it that it varies.
I squirt. It releases like a dribble, it’s white to clear-ish, very much like the consistency of semen, and is sweet smelling and tasting. It’s really friggin’ obvious when it happens, not only because of the fluid release, but because the orgasm that accompanies it is orders of magnitude more intense than the routine variety.
Not true for me, but I definitely know of women who do flood the place.
As for porn, I’ve seen women who look like they have hoses of some sort, who “squirt” with no emotion whatsoever, and, yeah, I suspect that’s bullshit. But I’ve also seen porn where a woman’s trembling violently and cannot stand because she’s coming so hard as she’s squirting. Yep, honey, that’s the one!!
And, ugh, I cannot believe that this message board still has people who insist it doesn’t exist.
@blackrose: thanks for clearing that up.
A lot of those estimates are kind of overshoots. Like for example, if I have to work at 4, I leave home at 3:15. But I say “3” because it’s more straighforward and I generally need to get things together before I work (like pack up my work clothes) so I stop the other thing I’m doing a bit after 3. Then I generally spend about 30 mins actually on busses/streetcars/subway (including wait times) but I also can’t arrive right on the dot at 4, I get to work 15 minutes early so I can change etc. Saying 1 hr transit is easier than adding 15 minute chunks to “work” and “getting ready”.
As for washing/grooming… eh, what can I say. I like long showers and I like to look a certain way. And again, that’s all rounded up. I was probably wrong about cooking at eating. But… I do love to eat. 2 hours on laundry as in 5 minutes to walk to the laundromat, 30 minutes washer, about an hour in the dryer and then some time for folding and walking back home. I don’t know if you have a magic machine that does that all in ten minutes but that’s rad. I bring a book.
I can’t believe I just wrote that much about the mundane details of my life on the internet. Now I know what twitter must feel like.
@48 Monogamish describes something different then polyamorous, does it not? I thought the former was allowing some negotiations for outside sex on occasion, i.e. the focus is on sexual variety and experience. I thought the philosophy here was that the romantic link and commitment remains within the primary couple, with some agreed-upon outside sex not seen as inherently threatening to that bond.
Polyamory, to my mind, is a deeper and wider pursuit for additional *relationships* where there’s mutual love and support among the people “networked” into them, whether a married couple with a third, two couples, etc. I thought the philosophy here was that the romantic link and commitment of the primary couple is extended to welcome an additional person or persons into that bond on equal emotional ground.
Perhaps it would be less irksome if they’re not conflated?
I agree that monogamish-ness is vastly different in theory and practice from polyamory (I think # 105 put it well), but I also agree with #100 that if one is monogamish “revealing the real deal is more info than is really appropriate for most.”
I don’t see that as a problem. Why must everybody and his uncle know the intimate details of your negotiated sex life? Does the entire PTA need to know that you and your spouse have an agreement that allows for some novelty or variety? How about your dentist?
Unless you need to inform someone because you want to include him/her in your sexual activities, it seems as relevant as the fact that you like wearing nipple clamps in terms of the need for the general public to have access to the information. I know that there will be those who argue that strict monogamy is much rarer than is recognized and that if people were more open about their monogamish relationships, and they were more visible, people would feel better, blah blah blah.
But I really don’t care about my neighbors’ sex lives and I don’t think they need to know the details of mine. I don’t consider it being closeted; I consider it having some measure of a *private* life.
Of course, if I were in a long-term, ongoing poly relationship, particularly if we all cohabited, I’d feel differently; I’d want the public acknowledgment and acceptance of an important relationship. But that’s not what monogamishly is.
Oh yeah: I squirt. Not every time. Sometimes I puddle, sometimes I spurt, sometimes I shoot.
Lots of factors come into play, including my level of arousal and the angle and depth of penetration (I need penetration to squirt) of a penis or fist.
It’s not pee.
It can make a mess–sometimes I really soak a mattress–sexy when it happens, but not so much when you want to sleep later.
But it doesn’t feel like a clitoral orgasm at all, for me. It’s a totally separate phenomenon and sensation. It is dependent on internal stimulation and feels like I am dissolving–I frequently cry when I squirt.
Weird, but I like it. And so have the partners who have experienced it with me.
I’ve been rolling mydriasis’s (#74) schedule around in my head. I agree that she doesn’t have much time for outside action but at the same time I’m wondering whether 1 to 3 times a week is sufficient for her man. If they are candidates for a less than exclusive relationship then it seems that he might be the one who needs a little on the side while she’s just dandy with the arrangement as it is. I suspect that that takes a lot of working through, however.
When I was seeing 3 or 4 women at a time it was mainly because they were busy as tenure track professors, or lawyers, or with their own businesses, or working the night shift. Each one had a lot of demands on their time so I was lucky to see any one of them once or twice a week. Consequently, since I do like lots and lots of good sex, spending a little time with each one work well for me (and I’m not such a hypocrite that I can’t share as well). Otherwise we each had our own lives.
The trouble is, I have found that even when people say they can share, they discover that they don’t necessarily mean it. Consequently, when my current GF, who does have lots of time for me, told me that I needed to “get rid of those other girls,” I did. That’s not to say that I don’t miss them, and if I get kicked out I may go back to the polyamorous system, but GGG monogamous when you’re getting a lot is pretty good too.
95, I just picked the first four jobs that popped into my mind, that would likely require the person to do things I don’t believe are “ok”, leading to a long term conflict between me and the job. I’m still cool with telemarketer, car salesman, and lawyer, though. Undecided on politicians.
Folks, I don’t say this to rain on the parade of joy over litres and quarts of ejaculate flowing everywhere–by all means, keep enjoying yourself and your happy memories. However, for the sake of realism, please keep in mind that it takes about 1/2 cup of pee from a toddler’s bladder during the night to “soak a mattress” pretty effectively. What may look like a half-gallon of vomit, completely covering the bathroom floor in a projectile stream, is literally more like a cup or two. If you don’t believe me, go throw 1 cup of water on your kitchen floor and see how big a mess you can make. Or have your squirting female drink fluids all day, hold it as long as she can, and then pee in a cup.
I have a hard time believing that women have vast reservoirs of fluid even larger than their bladders, just hanging around up there for the right stimulation. I suspect it’s more about the partner’s self-congratulation on achieving this effect, you know. Occam and all.