Flippin' women, man. Want a relationship. Then want to go about changing everything that is WRONG ABOUT YOU, in the relationship. Gentle nagging escalates until she writes in to savage luvs asking how to make SO act more like her romeo.
"How, dan, do I EXERT MORE CONTROL?? TAKE THE WEED AWAY???"

I don’t consume weed but my partner does for the enjoyment and to self medicate. This has never been an issue in the 12 years of our relationship. It’s simple. He is never obviously stoned at inappropriate times. He doesn’t endlessly espouse corny cliches about virtues of weed vis a vis creativity, spirituality, etc. Similarly, his smoking paraphernalia doesn’t take me back to my own stoner youth. He doesn’t bitch about the lack of availability or how “man, this sure would be better with some weed” if we are somewhere it is not an option. He doesn’t ever try to convince me that certain experiences would be better/more profound/otherwise heightened if I was stoned. He can afford his consumption and has been able to cut back at times when he felt he the need to be extra thrifty. In other words, he enjoys weed like an adult. And as another adult who respects his autonomy and choices generally, why would that be a problem to/for me?

@3 what about fucking? I'm probably about the same speed as your partner, but I find that weed VASTLY enhances the sensation of sex

I have not found it to be a game changer for me...

I know that many people agree with you which is why I especially appreciate that my partner doesn’t spend time trying to convince me of that. It would be especially annoying to have “but everyone else says” added to the pitch.

I just wonder in mixed relationships where weed is a problem, unless the nonstoner partner is generally controlling (in which case stoner should know what they signed up for and be used to it in other aspects as well, or get out), how annoying is the stoner partner? I just don’t get being hung up on someone else’s weed use unless they are super annoying about it...For adults weed is so benign I don’t think one can have an “unhealthy” weed habit (I’m sure someone will correct me on that) Just an annoying for others habit if the stoner is not aware of the why and hows of their consumption (if you are “different” when you are high, for example, maybe that’s why you use it. Just say so. Nothing wrong with that.)

great topic, lets expand this to mushies and other psychedelics. i wish my partner would partake with me, i have gently mentioned and suggested it hopefully a respectful but also hopeful amt of times. similar stigmas and such but with psychs its even more heightened (no pun intended.). if for some reason i was to re-partner up or mess around with an fwb, a love of psychedelics would be quite a turn on. (waiting for one of u to make a joke about if i had a love of punctuation or paragraph formatting. clearly, i dont. sorry!)

I can't imagine a situation in which I would take dating or marriage advice from Ms. Herzog but I'm glad she has the opportunity to offer it.

Mixed marriage. 20+ years together. I smoke all the time, including every night while we're hanging out. I even smoke before events where it would be 'inappropriate' to smoke. I've always enjoyed walking into a room where I'm the only one who just smoked two bowls on the street. Bam!! Gotta figure that social shit out stat!! That's fun times for me. My wife doesn't care. We've always let each other be who we need to be.

I am somewhat different when I smoke. A shifting of personality emphases more than a full-on change. My wife likes that me too. I never try to convince her to smoke. Every once in a blue moon she asks to take a toke. Sure thing, babe.

Mixed relationships are great. But people who are against smoking shouldn't date stoners & stoners shouldn't date people that are against smoking. It's pretty obvious. Don't be stupid about it.

@8 I'm going to recommend that you stop 'hopefully' suggesting they try some with you. That is pressure. Pressure for someone to change who they are to be someone you would rather them be. Compromise is part of a relationship, so if that pressure is... 'hey, I would like you to clean up a little bit more,' that's reasonable. But, if it's a drug related activity that they are not interested in, they are already reaching out halfway by being cool with you doing it, even though they aren't down. Accept what you've got, or move on for something you'd rather have.

That said... good luck! Do whatever you want, I'm just some asshole on the internet!

@10, to be clear there is a difference between times that are “inappropriate to smoke” (I don’t actually know when that is) and inappropriate to be obviously stoned (line going with an elderly parent to a doctors appointment at which you need to get very accurate info or advocate for them, for example . Or showing up to a jo interview).

Trying to cut it out stoner here, I’m too old for this shit.
Trouble with dope is you can have a joint in the morning and nobody much blinks. Down a beer and you’re off to AA.

@13 What I said about there not being any such thing as an unhealthy weed habit is probably unhelpful for someone like you. I’m sure lots of people say to you something similar as they wave a joint in your face, oblivious to your goal of quitting...hopefully you have people who support your goal even if they don’t get it.

There's smoking weed, and then there's being a stoner.
I smoke, sometimes in the morning, often at bedtime, and very occasionally all day, but i dated a woman who in my opinion had an unhealthy relationship with weed. Like, 3-grams-in-a-half-hour, to the point where all she could blurt out was, "i'mmmmm sooooo stoooooooned". That, plus her not being able to really afford it kinda turned me off.

So yeah, no. It's a tool. Use it wisely, please.

What's that line about penises being like religion? It's ok to have one; it's ok to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public. I feel the same about an insatiable cannabis habit: great, just not around me.

It sounds like marihuana addiction is a semi real thing. Peeps may not be chemically addicted but they sure behave as if they were.

Just because comments are closed on Rich's 'History of..' article (mais pourquoi?)
Here is a Short History of Love, by the good people at the School of Life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fK2IJ43ppd0
It's an interesting & relevant vid, although no pot connection sorry.
And their full article: https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/a-short-history-of-love/
Good Lovin' !

@15 - Was the thing about peniseses being like a religion something like this?

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to own a stiffy, it's divine to own a dick.
From the tiniest little tadger, to the world's biggest prick.

So, three cheers for your Willie or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake.
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons or you can slip it in your sock.
But don't take it out in public or they will stick you in the dock
and you won't..
..a-come..
..a-back.

Ahh, thank you very much.

11 - good point. I bring it up so infrequently as more an invitation in case her mind changes, but mainly I just live with our difference on the matter. thankfully, she is totally ok with me making my own choices which is rad, and a favor i enjoy returning.

@16 I'm an addict, no doubt. And I'm entirely comfortable with that. Plenty of people are addicted to plenty of things and continue to lead normal productive lives. Addiction gets a bad wrap. Everyone isn't 'using' themselves to homelessness. Plenty of people are just self medicating successfully.