Life Cribs So Hard from Alien That You’ll Wonder Why They Bothered

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: A small group of people—oh, let’s say six or seven of them—are floating around somewhere up in space, when they learn they’re sharing their cramped quarters with a nasty, seemingly invulnerable alien that decides to take them out one by one.

Life cribs hard from the Alien playbook, so much so that I genuinely don’t know why they bothered making it. The alien in Life is a single-cell organism that astronauts find in a soil sample from Mars—but as it amasses nutrients, it grows into a cute little Swiffer type thing before swelling into a human-sized jellyfish/starfish squish-machine made of Purell.

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Power Rangers Made Me Feel Old—Because I Am Old, So Very Old

Power Rangers these days, amirite?

They're all shiny and sleek! Their mouths move when they speak! They've got Bryan Cranston as their disembodied-head mentor! Ugh. They're like, totally AWESOME.

MY Power Rangers had to walk uphill both ways in nothing but tank tops to get to their juice bar! Now Power Rangers have iPhones. You think Zord battles in the '90s had $100 million budgets? This generation is spoiled with good Power Rangers and they don't even know it!

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This Week in The Stranger, Plus Most Read on Slog

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It's your friendly weekly digest that breaks down the stories that ran in the paper this week! (Plus a look at the most-read stories on the Slog last week.)

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Two Openly Gay Candidates Are Running For Office Up In Anchorage—Or Is It Three? (UPDATE: It's Three.)

Despite the fact that the Anchorage Assembly—their city council—has long had "a dominant progressive bloc," as Alaska Dispatch News columnist Charles Wohlforth wrote in a recent column assessing the city's upcoming Assembly races, no openly gay person has ever been elected to the Anchorage Assembly. No openly gay person has ever been elected to public office anywhere in Alaska, ever:

Downtown a couple of progressive candidates are facing off for a seat that has never been lost by a liberal incumbent. Christopher Constant and David Dunsmore are splitting Democrats as their supporters, even within at least one political family. In Midtown, a young, gay, Hispanic candidate, Felix Rivera, is facing an old conservative, Don Smith, who as an Assembly member cast a critical vote against LGBT rights at the dawn of the municipality's existence 41 years ago. Rivera said that if either he or Constant win, Alaska will gain its first openly gay elected official. We're one of the last states not to have one, he said, citing research by the national Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund, which tracks these facts.

But Constant and Rivera may not be the only gay men running for Anchorage Assembly.

Wohlforth briefly mentions another Assembly race—for a seat in South Anchorage—where the conservative candidate, an Iraqi war vet named Albert Fogle, is highly favored to win. Fogle isn't mentioned along with the Constant and Rivera despite the fact that Fogle's campaign filing forms indicate that he is married to another man. Voter registration information available online indicate that Fogle and the man listed as his spouse live at the same address in South Anchorage.

Fogle, a Republican, cited "moral character" among his qualifications to hold elected office in a Q&A with the ADN. It's an odd phrase for someone who may be in a same-sex marriage to use. Gay people can have fine moral characters, of course, but conservative Republicans frequently use buzz phrases like "moral character" as anti-gay code. When a conservative candidate says he has a fine "moral character," he usually wants voters to hear, "I am straight and I oppose LGBT equality."

Fogle appears to be a Trump supporter. He posted a picture to his Facebook on election day showing him wearing an "I Voted Today" sticker along with the hashtag #TrumpTrain. Fogle also used some disturbingly Trumpian rhetoric in reference to immigrants at a public forum in Anchorage. Asked by the moderator if he thought the Anchorage Police Department should cooperate with federal immigration officers in rounding up undocumented immigrants, Fogle said he was "fully against making Anchorage a sanctuary city" and that he wanted the APD to "hand over any rapists, murderers, any type of criminals" to Immigration and Custom Enforcement (ICE) agents.

There's no mention of Fogle's spouse on his campaign website but if you click on "ABOUT ALBERT" you're taken to an information page with this photo splashed across the top:

From the Who Is Albert Fogle? section of Albert Fogles campaign website.
From the "Who Is Albert Fogle?" section of Albert Fogle's campaign website.

The other person in the photograph is not identified. In fairness, neither is the fish.

The Alaska Dispatch News says there are two gay candidates running for Assembly. But it would appear there may be three. Voters in Anchorage go to the polls—and could make a little gay history—on April 4.

UPDATE: Albert Fogle and I just spoke on the phone.

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TV

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Come to Mama! (She's on VH1, and With Lady Gaga)

Come to Mama. (Shes on VH1.)
She done already done had herses! Viacom Media Networks. Collage by author.

Eight years ago, RuPaul Charles birthed her child, RuPaul's Drag Race, with the help of a daddy named Logo TV. There were low expectations for this child. (Gay Bob the Builder Rick & Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple in the World was also on Logo during this era.) But here we are, almost a decade later, and RPDR has brought her momma some trophies and helped shape a whole new generation of rising queer kids. The show has also, for better or worse, found a new daddy. RuPaul Charles has packed up her baby and not only moved in with richer, straighter VH1, but also moved to a new night: Friday primetime, at 8pm EST.

But first, a pressing question: Why's it taken so long for Lady Gaga to get on the show? While we can imagine a million reasons why Gaga would love RPDR, it's taken the star nine seasons to sashay, shantay, panther on the runway. Well, little monsters, it all started with a tweet from 2013:

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Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal on Trumpcare Fail: "It Was Such a Sweet Moment To See"

“Today is a victory for 24 million Americans who will continue to have health care, Rep. Jayapal said in a statement.
“Today is a victory for 24 million Americans who will continue to have health care," Rep. Jayapal said in a statement. JOHN BOAL

Washington Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal (D-Seattle) is one of the many Democrats celebrating Trumpcare's failure to reach the House floor this afternoon.

"It was a huge victory for organizing and for the American people," she said in a phone call with the Stranger. "After hearing the stories of people calling in and really understanding the devastation that the Trumpcare bill would have caused—cutting $880 billion from Medicaid, transferring a trillion dollars in wealth to millionaires and billionaires and insurance companies—it was such a sweet moment to see for sure that they didn’t have the votes to get it done."

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Welcome to CHIPS World—Population: Dax Shepard, Michael Peña, and You

Oh my god! What a stupid, beautiful movie. I was having a rotten day before I watched CHIPS, but its explosion-heavy, progressive-bro comedy motored my frown upside down. That’s a dumb thing to say, but this is a dumb movie.

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Mount Eerie's A Crow Looked at Me Is the Most Exquisite Desolation You've Ever Heard

The album is out today; Mount Eerie plays Neptune Theatre in Seattle on April 19.
The album is out today; Mount Eerie plays Neptune Theatre in Seattle on April 19.

The new Mount Eerie album, A Crow Looked at Me, begins with a perfect statement of the contradiction that comes up again and again through its devastated, devastating 42-minute length, less a motif than a Sphinx riddle: "Death is real," Phil Elverum sings, or half-sings, or manages to sing. "Someone's there and then they're not / And it's not for singing about / It's not for making into art."

And yet...

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Kshama Sawant and Other Jill Stein Supporters Must Know That Trumpcare's Demise Is Not a Real Victory

Trumpcares tomb?
Trumpcare's tomb? Royalty-free/gettyimages.com

Everyone on the left is happy that Trumpcare has, for now, collapsed. But this is not a real victory for the left. It is, when properly examined, a huge setback. All we are doing is defending basic stuff, and that is what we will be doing for the next four years—fighting for obvious issues, such as reproductive rights for women, and the rights for undocumented laborers to live peacefully and without fear of the law.

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Never Forget: Dave Reichert Voted for Trumpcare

*TV news reporter voice* Excuse me, Congressman Reichert! How does it feel to be hung out to dry by GOP leadership? Congressman?
*TV news reporter voice* Excuse me, Congressman Reichert! How does it feel to be hung out to dry by GOP leadership? Congressman? MARK WILSON/GETTY

Immediately following Trumpcare/Ryancare's failure, a very exclusive congressional club formed. This club consists of the few Republicans in the entire country who actually, on the record, voted for a bill that was on such a bad trajectory that it ended up getting pulled. The New York Times's Jonathan Martin says that 15 of those GOP MOCs are "targeted" in 2018, meaning the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee thinks they're vulnerable in the upcoming election. Washington state's own Dave Reichert is now a member of that club.

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TV

Detroiters Is the Funniest Show on TV Right Now

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On Monday, it was announced that Detroiters has been renewed for a second season. This is fantastic news, because the series, not yet through its terrific first season on Comedy Central, deserves to have many, many more eyes on it. Tuesday night’s installment, “Smilin’ Jack,” may have been the budding show's highest-profile episode yet, featuring a significant supporting role from guest star Keegan-Michael Key and garnering the show’s highest ratings since its February 7 premiere. But all seven Detroiters episodes aired thus far are shameless delights, spinning cotton-candy happiness out of very dumb comedy and a heartwarming bromance. If you’re looking for crackling wit, Detroiters is not the place.

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Inbox Jukebox: A Shortlist of New Music You'll Like—Kendrick Lamar, Diamanda Galás, Ride, and More

Diamanda Galás—still freaking in tongues.
Diamanda Galás—still freaking in tongues. Austin Young

Editor's note: You may have noticed that there are now more new music releases in a week than there are hours in a given month. Even for devout music lovers, it's hard to make time to listen and even harder to know where to start anymore. With that in mind, The Stranger's intrepid arts and music writers present this handy thumbnail guide to the newest songs and records we think you both want and need to hear. We'll post it here every Friday until we think of some other way to earn your love. Songs are below. Enjoy.

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Needs Help! NOW!

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I screwed up. Here’s the deal, though. I have been dating a great guy for FIVE years now, but we have ALWAYS been long distance. 2,000 miles. Some months we don’t even see each other. That means no sex and I am not the best at taking care of my own needs. He has zero desire to move to be with me and because I have children and am a single mom, I can’t move to his city. For the last year he has been unemployed, but still with means, and he STILL didn’t decide to come my way. It left me feeling undesirable and depressed. Frustrated. Lonely. Like I take antidepressants now. I'm talking serious depression. Suicidal, overwhelming-thoughts-depression. Sooo….

I decided to do something secret to boost my self esteem. I wanted to experiment in loving myself, loving my body, and feeling desired. I started a private Instagram account and posted sexy photos of myself. None with my full face. Very artsy. Beautiful. I got some attention. It felt GREAT, but then my boyfriend found out about it. Now he says I'm not the person he thought I was and that I have completely shattered his trust. The thing is, I had stopped feeling bad about not getting attention from him because I was getting that through comments on Instagram. It wasn’t like I was sexting these people.I wasn’t emotionally involved with them. I didn’t meet any of them. AND I only had 15 followers!!! I was just being a muse and if I am honest, I loved it. It made me feel sexy, beautiful, and desired. He makes me feel lonely and like I am not good enough to choose to spend his life with. What should I do? DTMFA? I have invested FIVE years in this relationship. My children adore this man (when they get to see him). Was it really such a big deal that I got some needs met by posting some sexy photos? I get that I should have discussed it with him first, but is it ever ok to keep something private?

I need your advice and I need it NOW. Please, please, please. He is coming into town in two days and I really don’t know if I should grovel for forgiveness or be angry.

Need Opinionated Wisdom

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Week in Weed: Colbert Mocks Sessions on Marijuana, Jimmy Buffett Says No to Marijuanaville, Lyft Wants to Keep Stoners Safe

Jimmy Buffett: Margaritaville is a state of mind...and a trademark.
Jimmy Buffett: Margaritaville is a state of mind...and a trademark. Al Schaben via Getty Images

Some fascinating factoids and stories for this week’s Week in Weed: cannabis sales are through the roof and growing (despite uncertainty about the feds), and Jimmy Buffett put an end to one pot shop’s plans to name their store ‘Marijuanaville’ (it’s their own damn fault). Learn about how not to talk about weed in front of a Customs and Border Protection agent, and watch Stephen Colbert mock Sessions on marijuana, after the jump.

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Trumpcare Fails to Even Make It to a House Vote

Oops. Were fucked.
Oops. We're fucked. Zach Gibson / Getty

UPDATE: Trumpcare is dead, for now.

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