The Incest Diary Afflicted Me with as Much Trauma as the Written Word Can Transfer from One Body to Another

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The Incest Diary, which was published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux on July 18, is an anonymously written memoir about a woman who was violently and repeatedly raped by her father as a child. The abuse continued into her teenage years and ceased, at least bodily, in her early 20s.

As the author writes in the second paragraph of the book, the characters in father-daughter incest myths were horrified by their father’s sexual advances. But the dark twist on her own narrative is that when she was old enough to run, she didn’t exactly want to.

“My father controlled my mind, my body, my desire,” she explains. And later on: “My father is my secret. That he raped me is my secret. But the secret under the secret is that sometimes I liked it. Sometimes I wanted it, and sometimes I seduced him and made him fuck me.”

The author’s desire for her father is only matched by her urge to kill him, a psychological drama she deftly summarizes: “My father still excites me and he still scares me… I need to be obedient to him and to make him laugh and smile and feel pleasure. I want him to be proud of me. I want him to think that I’m clever. I want him to think that I’m sexy. And I want to savagely mutilate his body and feed his corpse to dogs.”

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Found Out About Her Fiance's Affair Two Months Before the Wedding

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In less than two months, if all goes according to plan, I will marry my long-term boyfriend “Jake.” My best friend “Ivy” will be my maid of honor. The two of them are my biggest cheerleaders and supporters. They see me, with all of my flaws, and still believe I'm a brilliant human being. Everyone should be so lucky as to have people like them in their lives.

Seven years ago, not long after I began dating Jake, I was out of town for Ivy's annual birthday bacchanalia. I suggested Jake go on his own to get to know my friends better. He did, and he and Ivy got so drunk that they ended up sleeping together. I found out last week. A third-party was aware of the tryst and, after falling out with Ivy, told me. Neither Jake nor Ivy remembers much about the encounter. Both were horrified when they awoke the next morning and swore never to speak of it again. They have told me it was the biggest mistake either of them has ever made. I believe them.

I like to think that I'm realistic about monogamy. It's what I want in a relationship, but it's a struggle, and one affair doesn't outweigh years of monogamy. So I'm surprised at how sad this revelation makes me. Sometimes I'm inexplicably angry; most of the time though, I'm just really, really sad.

When I look at my relationships with Jake and with Ivy, years of acceptance and love and support, it's obvious that one instance of drunk sex is the anomaly. I don't blame them for keeping it a secret. I'd have been happier if it remained that way. Why can't I stop being sad then? Why do I feel like a fool? Why can't I shake this off as something that happened in the past and has had little bearing on my life until now?

I don't want to lose these relationships (I think). But these insidious thoughts are dragging me down in. I'd be eternally grateful for any advice or insight you can offer. Am I being an idiot?

Bitter Reality Incites Dreadful Emotions

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Pickathon Starlight Series, Episode 9: Daniel Norgren

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Tim LaBarge

There's not much time left before Pickathon, but there's always time for another episode in our ongoing Pickathon Starlight Series. Today's is extra special, as it features an exceptional performance from one of last year's breakout performers, Daniel Norgren. Pickathon 2016 marked the Swedish singer/songwriter's first US appearance, and he definitely left an impression on those who were lucky enough to catch him. If you missed it, all is not lost—this great performance clip was captured for posterity, in which Norgren and his rhythm section perform a haunting rendition of "Are We Running Out of Love?"

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Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Is The Fifth Element Follow-Up You've Been Waiting For

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From its awe-inspiring opening montage, Luc Besson’s Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets immediately immerses its audience in a brilliant, idiosyncratic sci-fi universe—one that’s unlike anything we’ve seen for 20 years, since Besson’s last brilliant, idiosyncratic sci-fi universe, in The Fifth Element. Those of us who loved The Fifth Element will get exactly what we’ve been missing with Valerian. It’s a delight.

If you’ve read the comics Valerian is based on—text-heavy, 1970s French sci-fi exploration comics that Besson loved as a child—be prepared for Valerian to stray heavily. In the comics, Laureline (Cara Delevingne) is a French woman from the 11th century who radically advances to become the equal of space adventurer Valerian (Dane DeHaan) in the space of a few issues.

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Week in Weed: Americans Love Getting High, Sessions Pushes Asset Forfeiture, and Working Out on Weed

O beautiful for righteous highs, For amber waves of weed, From Purple Diesel’s majesties, So dank and free of seeds!
O beautiful for righteous highs, For amber waves of weed, From Purple Diesel’s majesties, So dank and free of seeds! ATYPEEK VIA GETTY IMAGES

It’s been an intense week of ups and downs for the privacy rights of pot users: Sessions is pushing for civil asset forfeiture, Colorado cops won’t search cars even if their K-9s smell weed, but in Connecticut, they can search your house without seeking homeowner permission. Also, can weed be used for working out? Read on…

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Holy Shit, Look at Woodland Park Zoo's Baby Snow Leopard!!

In Tagalog, the word gigil refers to the irresistible urge to squeeze something absurdly cute. And I am feeling a lot of that right now.

The little lady, above, is the newest addition to the Woodland Park Zoo. The snow leopard cub, who is just two weeks old and still hasn't been named, only has one eye open so far.

AND LOOK HOW STINKIN' CUTE SHE IS.

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Officer Wrongly Suspected Giovonn Joseph-McDade's Car Was Stolen Before Fatal Shooting

A photo of the bullet holes in Giovonn Joseph McDades car after his shooting death.
A photo of the bullet holes in Giovonn Joseph-McDade's car after his shooting death. Kent Police Department

The officer who last month pursued Giovonn Joseph-McDade before another backup officer fatally shot the 20-year-old student wrongly suspected that McDade's car was stolen, new documents released by the Kent Police Department show.

The trove of records, including videos, interviews and photographs, includes a statement from Officer Matthew Rausch saying he observed "suspicious behavior" before pursuing McDade. During that pursuit, officers twice attempted to cause McDade's vehicle to spin to a stop before Officer William Davis exited his patrol car and pointed his weapon at McDade's car. Both officers claim McDade accelerated in Davis' direction before the officer fired the fatal shots through the windshield.

Officer Matthew Rausch's written statement offers new insight into the timeline of events that lead up to the fatal shooting. Shortly after midnight in the early morning of June 24, Rausch saw McDade's Honda at an AMPM gas station while on patrol. Rausch, who has served in Kent for two years, said he saw two men in the car. A third man approached the vehicle and "had a scared look on his face" after turning and seeing the officer. The man then entered the vehicle in the back passenger seat.

"I know based on my training and experience that 1990's-early 2000s sedans are commonly stolen vehicles," Officer Rausch continued. "Vehicle theft is a significant problem in Kent." Rausch ran the plates and found that they had expired, and the registration had been cancelled.

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Last-Minute Plans: 120 Free, Cheap & Easy Things To Do In Seattle This Weekend: July 20-23, 2017

Bite of Seattle, one of the citys biggest food events, happens all weekend and is free to attend (though food and drinks do, of course, cost money). Just be prepared for crowds!
Bite of Seattle, one of the city's biggest food events, happens all weekend and is free to attend (though food and drinks do, of course, cost money). Just be prepared for crowds! Courtesy of Bite of Seattle

Skipping out on Capitol Hill Block Party in favor of cheaper options? Look no further. Below, find all of your options for last-minute entertainment that won't cost more than $10, including the Bite of Seattle, Renegade Craft Fair, Music Under the Stars, and Rainier BAAMFest—all of which are free to attend. For even more options, check out our complete Things To Do calendar.

recommendedGet all this and more on the free Stranger Things To Do mobile app—available now on the App Store and Google Play. recommended

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1. Shrinky Dink #10
Revert to childhood as you experience the magic of Shrinky Dinks. Entry cost covers a full sheet of Shrink Film, coloring supplies, and snack/refreshments (but BYOB). Buy more sheets for $5 and go crazy. They'll have a toaster oven handy, so you can walk out with some artistic masterpieces or a brand new box of very classy jewelry.
(Ballard, $10)

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A Ghost Story Is Poetic in the Best Way

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There are a lot of art-house movies about grief and grieving, and most of them are bad. A Ghost Story is so much more than that, but to understand what writer/director David Lowery (Pete’s Dragon, Ain’t Them Bodies Saints) is playing at, you have to forget what you’ve learned from other grief narratives. A Ghost Story will take you somewhere, if you let it. Probably its most impressive quality is that it teaches you how to watch it.

Casey Affleck and Rooney Mara play “C” and “M,” a young married couple living in a quaint country house that might be haunted. We don’t know much more about them, other than C (Affleck) is some kind of composer, that he and M seem to be having relationship trouble, and that the two never, ever smile. A Ghost Story seems to take itself ultra seriously, and Mara and Affleck gloom and glower for all they’re worth, even before a death fractures the narrative.

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The Last Time So Many Americans Rented Their Homes, Lyndon Johnson Was President

Rental rates are increasing—and not just among broke young people.
Rental rates are increasing—and not just among broke young people. Justin Sullivan/getty

More American households are now renting their homes than at any point since at least 1965, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of census data.

According to Pew, the number of U.S. households grew by 7.6 million over the latest decade. But the number of households that own their home has remained flat, while those that rent has increased. And it's not just broke millennials renting:

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Vice Just Killed Their Electronic Music Website, Thump

Thump - another one bites the dust
Thump - another one bites the dust FLASHPOP VIA GETTY IMAGES

Slick, hipster media giant Vice just laid off 2 percent of their staff and is closing Thump, an site publishing journalism about electronic and dance music and culture since 2013, Resident Advisor has reported. The Brooklyn-based company, worth a whopping $5.7 billion dollars, will now be focusing their growth on—you guessed it: VIDEOS!

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Inbox Jukebox: A Weekly Shortlist of Good New Music. Ben Gibbard, Avey Tare, Taiwan Housing Project, and More

Benjamin Gibbards Bandwagonesque concept holds water.
Benjamin Gibbard's Bandwagonesque concept holds water. Rachel Demy

Benjamin Gibbard, “The Concept” (Canvasback Music/Turntable Kitchen). Do we need a cover of Teenage Fanclub’s Bandwagonesque album (voted the best of 1991 by some major publications, beating Nevermind, Loveless, and Monster Magnet’s Tab, among others)? Not really. But Death Cab for Cutie mastermind Ben Gibbard couldn’t refuse the offer made by Turntable Kitchen to participate in its Sounds Delicious vinyl subscription club, which offers exclusive cover albums on ltd.-ed. wax. So, we what we have here is the lead track from that endeavor, “The Concept,” which is rock at its most gorgeous and wistful, including a loooong, swaying coda to tingle your nostalgia neurons. Gibbard’s mostly reverent toward the original, frosting things with subtle delay on his vocals and tempering the Status Quo-esque guitar crunch with faint orchestral touches. You may swoon.

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SDOT Is Trying to Kill Bike Sharing Again

Riding a bike share bike for the first time ever.
Riding a bike share bike for the first time ever. Evanne Hall

It's already known that Seattle Department of Transportation is there first of all for cars. Making the roads and traffic lights (in Southern Africa, they are called robots) better for cars is their main business. Bikes and pedestrians are just a hobby, which is why the first attempt at bike sharing, Pronto, failed miserably. No real heart or passion went into the program, and so it went the way of the wind.

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CityArtsScience

The Seattle Times Editorial Board Grossly Misrepresents Prop 1, Again

The Times continues its campaign to mislead their readers about the impact Prop 1 will have on King County. (Much love to their reporters in this time of need, though.)
The Times continues its campaign to mislead their readers about the impact Prop 1 will have on King County. SEATTLE MUNICIPAL ARCHIVES

It's no surprise that the backdoor virgins in sensible shoes who sit on the Seattle Times Editorial Board would encourage their readers to reject Proposition 1, a minuscule albeit regressive sales tax that will raise money for arts, science, and cultural heritage education and enrichment. But it is a surprise to see that they barely marshaled a defense of their position.

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Taste This, Seattle: Le Pichet's Smoked, Peppered Pork Heart

The peppery, porky majesty of Le Pichets cœur de porc fumé.
The peppery, porky majesty of Le Pichet's cœur de porc fumé. Le Pichet

Currently, America spends more on prepared meals than groceries, which means we eat out a lot. The typical American office drone goes hunting for a poke bowl most days of the week, rather than bringing themselves a ham sandwich. Food prices are artificially cheap, and time is ever valuable, so the economics of getting a sandwich and a beer at HoneyHole after work—despite that sandwich and beer being slightly more expensive than the equivalent materials from the grocery store—actually work out in favor of dining out. Home cooking is now more sport than sustenance, given to elaborate cookbook recipes from famous restaurants rather than quick and easy staples.

None of this is to judge. I eat out for 90 percent of my meals. I couldn’t tell you what’s in my fridge right now, besides insulin. And, like every other harried American, I often go out for sustenance’s sake alone.

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