The Funniest Tweets From Debate Night


The first presidential debate took place last night, and while Dan posted advice for Clinton to use next time Donald mentions Monica Lewinsky, and Jessica Fu rounded up some of social media's more reasoned reactions to the proceedings, we thought we'd end the day with the funniest, meme-iest tweets from debate night.

The first thing everyone noticed was the gulf between the two candidates grasp of the English language:


Or, as Stranger Genius Award winner Lindy West put it:


Writer Erin Gloria Ryan posited this conspiracy theory:


One-woman tweet show Leslie Jones treated us to some of Clinton's internal monologue:


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Savage Love Letter of the Day: Like a Good Neighbor

I'm writing to you for a bit of an offbeat reason. I live next door to a couple, a little younger than my wife and I. They have two younger kids in grade school. Recently they also brought in two teenagers, their nephews, whose mother has been having some personal difficulties.

We live in a neighborhood where the houses were built in 1928. Their house hasn't been expanded, and neither has mine, although a lot of people have been able to expand their houses over the years. Since our houses are the same size—about 1,300 square feet, three bedrooms, one bath—I have to wonder where they're putting two extra kids! At this point you're probably wondering why I'm contacting you. I have
three kids of my own, two teens and a toddler, and I know just how hard it is to maintain intimacy with a spouse under these conditions. I cannot imagine having four kids, two of them teens, and attempting to keep up a sex life!

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62 Stranger (Than Usual) Things To Do In Seattle This Week

Piff the Magic Dragon is a man in a dragon suit who tells jokes while performing magic tricks...and is way more successful than youd think. Dont miss his Seattle shows this weekend.
Piff the Magic Dragon is a man in a dragon suit who tells jokes while performing magic tricks...and is way more successful than you'd think. Don't miss his shows this weekend.

Our arts critics have already recommended 39 great things to do this week and our music critics have picked the 32 best concerts, but there are still hundreds more events happening. To prevent some of the quirkier and more extraordinary ones from slipping through the cracks, we've compiled them here—from the New Orleans Food & Funk Festival to Piff the Magic Dragon, and from Elysian's Great Pumpkin Weigh-Off to the Stranger Things '80s Film Fest. For even more options this week, check out our complete Things To Do calendar.

TUESDAY
1. Diane Thome
Composer Diane Thome—known for pushing boundaries with computer synthesizing, and for her new memoir Palaces of Memory—will speak with composer and UW School of Music director Richard Karpen.

2. Lawrence Matsuda and Tess Gallagher
Listen to excerpts from Boogie-Woogie Crisscross, a collaborative work created by Lawrence Matsuda and Tess Gallagher (developed over e-mail!) that's described as a "poetry jam session."

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A Tale of Two New Link Stations

Links new parking station for Angle Lake Station
Link's new parking garage for Angle Lake Station Charles Mudede

At this moment, the Link line ends with two stations that are surrounded by and relate to completely different urban environments. The University of Washington Station is the final stop in the north; Angle Lake Station is the final stop in the south. The former is defined by an elegant pedestrian and bike bridge that flows smoothly into a section of Burke-Gilman Trail that was recently improved by UW Transportation. (Unlike anything coming out of SDOT, this improvement is world-class and understands the mode of those who use their bodies, and not the bodies of things that died in the land before time, to get from one place to the next).

The University station, with its cave-like art, its compact design, its bridge, and the intelligently designed landscapes on either side of that bridge, and the future big trees that were arranged by Swift Company to bury this part of the Mountlake Boulevard under thick leaves, is completely different to what you find at the other end of the line—Angle Lake Station.

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Elon Musk Wants to Colonize Mars; Would-Be Martians Should Be Ready to Die on the Journey

Today, Elon Musk unveiled his plans to colonize Mars using tech from his SpaceX company. See there, in the video above that looks like a clip from an especially dour and pretentious piece of space Oscar bait? That's the solar-powered spaceship that will supposedly carry humans to the Red Planet, where they would spend the next 40 to 100 years building a colony.

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Unsolicited Advice for Hillary Clinton

Donald Trump said this during the debate last night:

"You know, Hillary is hitting me with tremendous commercials. Some of it’s said in entertainment. Some of it’s said—somebody who’s been very vicious to me, Rosie O’Donnell, I said very tough things to her, and I think everybody would agree that she deserves it and nobody feels sorry for her. But you want to know the truth? I was going to say something extremely rough to Hillary, to her family, and I said to myself, 'I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. It’s inappropriate. It’s not nice.' But she spent hundreds of millions of dollars on negative ads on me, many of which are absolutely untrue. They’re untrue. And they’re misrepresentations. And I will tell you this, Lester: It’s not nice."

And Donald Trump had this to say to Sean "Call Me" Hannity after the debate:

"Well I didn't want to say, her husband was in the room, along with her daughter, who I think is a very nice young lady. I didn't want to say what I was going to say, about what's been going on in their life. So I decided not to say it. I thought it would be very disrespectful to Chelsea and maybe to the family. But [Hillary] said very bad things about me."

Trump then told CNN he's probably going to bring up these not-so-nice things about Bill Clinton at the next debate.

Most people who write in to advice columns wanna be told what to do. But some readers write in, explain their problem(s), and then wanna be told what to say. They're looking for help putting something into words. The advice columnist responds with suggested language, i.e. what the reader should say to the person giving them problems.

Hillary Clinton hasn't sent me an email seeking my advice, at least so far as I know (maybe one of those 33,000 deleted emails was one Hillary sent to me?), but I've pulled together some suggested language for Hillary anyway. If Donald Trump shows up to the next debate—which is an open question because Lester so mean and mic so rigged—and attacks Hillary by bringing up Bill's affair(s), here's what she should say...

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Twitter Reacts to Donald Trump's Debate Antics

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patrimonio designs ltd / Shutterstock.com

Last night saw the first presidential debate of the 2016 election. Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and GOP opponent Donald Trump laid out their competing ideas for the U.S.A.—what's going wrong and who can do more about it.

All eyes were on the debate, if trends on social media are any indication. #DebateNight was the top Twitter trend in the United States for hours leading up to and then following the show. A look at GoogleTrends shows a spike in search interest for both candidates, though more so for Clinton. And what issues did viewers Google during the debate?

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Mary Ruefle Blends Poetry, Prose, and Colors in the Exquisite My Private Property

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Matt Valentine


Mary Ruefle's careful, measured sentences sound as if they were written by a thousand-year-old person who is still genuinely curious about the world. All of it. Trees. Crumbs. Doors. The all-consuming darkness that will envelop us all. She sums up her speakers' disposition perfectly in "Kiss of the Sun," one of my favorite Ruefle poems: "On earth / I did not know how to touch it it was all so raw."

She's the queen of a certain kind of poetry that was relatively popular from the mid 1990s to the early aughts, in a league with James Tate, Dean Young, and the rest of the crew who combined imagistic techniques from surrealism with narrative techniques to create surprising, high-velocity, and deeply affecting work. This aesthetic has spawned many imitators and variations, but her style is unmistakable.

Ruefle employs the same moves in her prose, too, including the commercially successful book of essays Madness, Rack, and Honey and the critically under-acclaimed The Most of It. Brittany Dennison, publicist of Seattle's Wave Books, which has published all Ruefle's recent work, recently said that Wave publishes "books of poems but also books written by poets." Ruefle's latest, My Private Property, fits in that latter category. The book reads like a literary diary that knows it reads like a literary diary. Just when we think we're in "the real world," or rather a subjective account of a real experience, Ruefle will pivot into the wilderness of imagination.

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Fighting Fall with a Big Bowl of Soup

SOPA DE POLLO: Big pieces of juicy chicken swimming in a flavorful broth.
SOPA DE POLLO: Big pieces of juicy chicken swimming in a flavorful broth. Suzi Pratt

I have a hard time letting go of summer. I hold on to it desperately, jumping into Lake Washington even as the temperature of the water drops, until finally a cold autumnal reality knocks summer out of me. But the sunlight is fading. In a little over a month, we'll set the clocks back, a small act of rebellion against the inevitable darkness seeping in. The air is already crisp and carries with it the undeniable scent of dry leaves and change.

Food helps, of course. Around this time every year, I starting repeating in my head like a mantra three words I read off a sandwich board in front of Bob's Quality Meats in Columbia City a few years back: "Braising for Autumn." It's a reminder that while fall is cold and dark, it's also the coziest season, one meant for letting things burble on the stove for hours as you lie on the couch. It's the season for soups.

You're probably already familiar with the great Salvadorean Bakery in White Center, which has been providing the community with countless tres leches cakes, cream-filled empanadas, and fruity cookies, as well as pupusas, tamales, and hearty breakfast scrambles, for more than 20 years. While it's nearly impossible to resist the call of a revuelta pupusa stuffed with moist pork, refried beans, and a melty cheese that oozes out the sides and gets extra crispy and salty on the hot griddle, the soups here are just as outstanding.

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Exit Interview: Outgoing Frye Art Museum Director Jo-Anne Birnie Danzker

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THE STRANGER


"I only really rock with Jo-Anne," Grammy-winning hiphop artist Ishmael Butler told me this past spring, and his comment stuck, because Jo-Anne Birnie Danzker, an older white Australian woman, had to earn his respect and loyalty.

She did it in the way that she ran the Frye Art Museum.

She handed over power to artists like Butler (of Digable Planets and Shabazz Palaces), not treating them like they were commodities to be packaged and presented but allowing them to organize their own programs.

Maikoiyo Alley-Barnes, Nicholas Galanin, and Nep Sidhu created their own discussions for their exhibition Your Feast Has Ended, and Birnie Danzker told me she was their student. The "feast" in question was the feast that white colonizers have been enjoying for centuries.

The height of her success was a show she didn't even curate (Alley-Barnes did), but it wouldn't have happened without her. This April, the Frye opened the large exhibition Young Blood: Noah Davis, Kahlil Joseph, The Underground Museum, the first museum survey of the extraordinary paintings and films of two brothers who grew up in Seattle.

That same week, Beyoncé released Lemonade, and when Kahlil Joseph was revealed to be its filmic muse and codirector, audiences of all ages and races flocked to see the Frye's exhibition that by then every museum in Seattle wished it had.

After seven years spent finishing the transformation of the Frye into the city's most relevant museum—the one that other museums are now copying—Birnie Danzker is leaving.

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I, Anonymous: Gross and Grocer

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Steven Weissman

Dear Grocery Store Employee and Random Accomplice: I don't usually do this, because I know how much it sucks to work retail, but you really crossed the line. I heard you from nearly a block away screaming at a man who had shoplifted. I then saw you take beer from his bag and call him a piece of shit. And I saw a random stranger help you and also call the guy a piece of shit. Random guy: Do you get off on administering justice to poor people who shoplift approximately $10 worth of merch?

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Seattle Narrowly Escapes the Trauma of Seeing Women's Nipples in Publicly Displayed Art

No nipples for you!
No nipples for you! Courtesy of the artist

Alicia Amiri, the Seattle singer who performs under her own name—and most recently before that, who fronted the gothic darkwave spectacular Nightmare Fortress—would be proud to show you her nipples.

Her nipples were supposed to be out on First Avenue day and night, night and day, in a mural outside the strip club Deja Vu Showgirls Seattle. She is the model for the octopus lady you see above. The octopus lady wearing a bra.

Because her nipples were deemed indecent.

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The Morning News: Debate Recaps, the Mayor's Budget, and the 1,500 Pain Patients in Seattle ERs

Toxic white masculinity is running for president.
Toxic white masculinity is running for president. JOSEPH SOHM / SHUTTERSTOCK

We Spent an Hour and a Half Last Night Watching a Performance of American Sexism: Alexandra Petri called it the "mansplaining Olympics." Politico noted that Trump interrupted Clinton 25 times in the first 26 minutes. “At least he didn’t call her fat and ugly and tell her her voice game him a headache,” Republican commentator Ana Navarro said.

As a Result, Women Everywhere Took to the Streets: Just kidding! We drank, fell asleep, and woke up to the very same society in which Donald Trump is one half of the options for president in November.

Recaps: Are here, here, here, and here...


According to the Upshot, Polls Say Clinton Edged Out Trump: And it was the most watched debate ever. That said, "the record of post-debate polling suggests that a victory might not matter quite as much as you might think," Nate Cohn writes.

Hopefully the next gubernatorial debate doesnt coincide with the same night of a presidential debate from hell.
Hopefully the next gubernatorial debate doesn't happen on the same night as another presidential debate from hell.

But the Governor's Debate May Have Been the Most Unwatched Ever: Heidi and I covered it for you anyway. It was pretty boring, and the candidates weren't allowed to interact. They both gave shallow and unsatisfying answers on race and police brutality, and "neither candidate got into the weeds in any meaningful way about how they'll fund everything they're promising to do."

More Than 1,000 Chronic Pain Patients Have Been Flooding Seattle Emergency Rooms Since August: Seattle Times reporter JoNel Aleccia has the story on the aftermath of the Seattle Pain Centers shutdown. Without Seattle Pain Centers, roughly 47 chronic pain patients are entering emergency rooms each day. A total of 8,000 former Seattle Pain Centers patients had been receiving painkiller prescriptions. "There have been no reports of deaths or other serious consequences from abrupt opiate withdrawal, officials with the state Department of Health said," she reports. "But neither the department nor the Washington Health Care Authority, which oversees Medicaid, are notified when such deaths occur, agency officials said."

Mayor Ed Murray Delivered His 2017 Budget Speech Yesterday: Murray still wants to hire 200 more police officers, an idea that's opposed by Block the Bunker. He's also pledged to "triple public preschool classrooms by 2018 and undertake several education programs focused on racial inequities." Murray's office says the budget will also include $12 million in new homelessness funding, featuring some funds from the housing levy. Council Member Kshama Sawant called Murray's ideas "mostly business-as-usual, status quo."


Read More on the Police Hiring Debate: There are lots of views on whether the city should hire more police, but Ansel covers two perspectives: one from the local police, and one from a local police abolitionist.

Meanwhile, King County Plans Cuts to Public Safety: "King County is bracing for proposed cuts to public safety, including eliminating the sheriff's office aircraft and marine units, and reducing staff in the prosecuting attorney's office, as county leaders warn of a grim financial forecast for the coming years," KING 5 reports.

Advocates for safe drug use sites say that Seattle needs safe consumption sites, not just safe injection sites.
Advocates for safe drug use sites say that Seattle needs safe consumption sites, not just safe injection sites. HG

The Seattle Times Editorial Board Endorsed Safe Injection Sites: But will they endorse safe consumption sites for crack/cocaine, too?

Attorney General Charges Tim Eyman with Violating State Disclosure Laws, Inaccurate Reporting: A rundown of the new allegations against Washington's perennial anti-tax activist can be found here.

At Least the Pigeons Will Be Okay: A new study finds that even if homing pigeons have misguided leaders, they still find their way home. "Sadly, these kinds of decisions by pigeon flocks offer no reassurance to humans who think political leaders are misinformed or misdirected," the New York Times reports.


Washington State Governor's Debate: Follow The Stranger's Live Slog

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Stranger staffers Heidi Groover and Sydney Brownstone will be live-blogging Washington state's second gubernatorial debate, between Governor Jay Inslee and his GOP challenger Bill Bryant. It begins at 8PM, following the conclusion of the presidential debate. Follow along right here.

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Presidential Debate: The Stranger's Live-Slog

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MIKE FORCE

Tonight is the first presidential debate of the 2016 election. It's Clinton v. Trump for 90 minutes and it's going to be streamed everywhere.

Stranger staffers will be live-slogging their analyses, reactions, and an occasional gif. Won't you keep us company and follow along right here in this very post?

How are the candidates preparing? Hillary Clinton is reportedly practicing for it. Donald Trump is apparently going to mostly roll with the punches as they come.

The debate itself begins at 6 p.m. PST, and if you need to drink along, Stranger Things To Do has the best places to watch.

After the presidential brawl, we'll be slogging right along to the governor's debate, with incumbent Jay Inslee taking on Republican Bill Bryant.